HelloLynnie

i start school on the 27th and im feeling 2 things. 
          
          1. i dont want to cuz fuck school i hate people i hate stress i hate shitty professors i hate group projects i hate spending hundreds on books i'll never use after 4 months, i hate finals, i hate the shitty required courses, i hate waking up at 7am
          
          2. i'll have an excuse to leave the house and not have to deal with my family's shit. my classes are 9 to 12 but if i don't want to go home i can always....lie :) maybe i talked to my professor after class and time slipped by or i had to go to the library for something my class requires.... or maybe i decided to do my school work there instead of home for less distractions....who knows. 
          
          it sounds good until i realized that i need to eat. im broke, my family is broke, so i cant go out spending $11 everyday. but i love food and i get really fucking hangry if i skip lunch so i might just have to resort to apples. meal replacement shakes that are actually healthy are too expensive , granola bars are unhealthy. what else is there that is affordable, healthy, and something i can carry around in my purse for a few hours? apples. they won't go bad, they won't get squished, they don't need a container. i can just pop one in my bag. but then its like....i dont like apples enough to eat one everyday. doctors can fight me. and im never full after an apple. well thats really the only option i have. idk wtf im gonna do for breakfast, i used to have a shake on the drive to school but i didnt realize how much sugar is in them so cant do that anymore. ig i can eat a yogurt in the car. yogurt's not even healthy but idc everything has sugar in it T0T

So it's been a week since I had to stop taking my antidepressants because they were making my hair fall out. I feel like shit. My dad went off on me for "moping" and told me to fake it til I make it. I'm just fucking depressed leave me alone. I don't want to be forced to stand there and listen to ur shit. He would never talk to my mom that way if she stopped taking her meds (which she has). He told me he won't baby me anymore and I'm an adult and need to grow up. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING???? I was literally just minding my own business. He told me to vacuum. I got up and took the vacuum out and then he proceeded to say all that when I didn't want a hug. I don't want to be touched rn. I want to be left alone. I know I can be bitchy when I'm depressed which is WHY I don't want to interact because if I do I inevitably will get in trouble. I didn't ask u to baby me and ik I'm almost 21 fuck why are u talking down to me like I misbehaved!? I said yes and ok. No matter what I say I still get shit. I can't win. I don't want to be out. I want to stay in my room in my bed where no one can bother me. Where I can be sad and not deal with everyone calling me miserable and commenting. It only makes me want to be alone more. I'm tired. I hate when they look at me like I did something when I didn't. Pls leave me alone. Ik I'm lazy ik all I do is sleep ik my face has the ability to smile IK. I start college next week. Great fucking time to stop taking antidepressants. Whatever fuck it

ok so today has been quite shitty
          
          Not only did I get a haircut because my hair is falling out, but in the salon my dad was talking about our dogs and accidentally slipped that one of our dogs were put down. I didn't know. They lied and said we gave him back to the rescue we got him from. I then proceeded to break down crying in the middle of the salon while the women cut my hair. Wow fun times. This whole I thought he was having fun with the other dogs and farm animals frolicking in that massive backyard. No, he's dead. He was cremated and spread in my grandmother's garden. My eyes still hurt from crying. Now I have to keep the secret from my siblings because they will handle 100 times worse than me, especially my brother. I miss him. He didn't deserve the life he was given. Abused by his previous owner, then loved by us, then put down for being a bite risk because my fucking city has stupid fucking laws. Two bites and the dog gets killed. It's not his fault. He was extremely protective due to his past abuse. He was so gentle and loving to his family, the best baby boy. I love you Arlo

Rab-neo Rei-Si

Also some of my family that I have never met are coming to visit from England and my parents decided that it would be a good time to start numerous projects and now our house is a fucking disaster. The entire kitchen was ripped out, meaning EVERYTHING that were in the cupboards are now on every available surface. How are we supposed to get the house clean and tidy by 9 tonight? T0T We only have 4 hours and I'm stressed tf out. Just looking at the house is stressful but somehow cleaning it? Lord have mercy 

1% Scara main btw

ok so listen
          
          Any every gacha game I play, I'm a husband collector. I rarely pull for women. But WUWA women...holy shit they're a different breed. They're all SO HOT. The designs are so good and the playstyles so amazing. I have Lupa and I'm eyeing Augusta rn cuz goddamn she's a hotter version of Mavuika. THIS is what a leader of a fighting nation should look like. Not a fucking tight ass leather outfit.  So many hot women, so few wishes. Pls Kuro have mercy you can't keep cooking or I won't be able to feed my kids T0T

I made medovik today. I haven't baked in AGES. I had to force myself cuz I was feeling depressed and already bought all the ingredients. I'm glad I did, I feel better. Then I watched the minecraft movie (again) with my family. Can't wait to try the cake tmr when it's ready

Nah it's almost 5pm and all I've eaten today is an apple I'm hungry af and JUST AS I ENTERED THE KITCHEN the guy who confessed to me knocked on the door and I ran back to my room T0T why won't he leave us tf alone this is like the 3rd time he's shown up now. He keeps saying he wants to "see the fam." What fam? Ur not a part of the fam bitch. Take the hint already and leave

Free Congo, free Palestine. What about free the white people being murdered and discriminated against in South Africa? Are we seriously going to deny and ignore this genocide because it's happening to white people? If blacks were being killed it would be all over the news. This is literally racism. Everyone is CHOOSING to look the other way while white South Africans are being murdered, raped, forced into poverty, barred from jobs. Caucasians ARE the minority in SA. No one is concerned about the massive rallies chanting "kill the white farmers." But sure, let's deflect and only cover Palestine and ICE. 
          
          oh and I'm so fucking tired of the whole ICE protest bs. WE. DON'T. WANT. ILLEGALS. 
          
          We've let this problem fester to this point. Other countries are extremely strict about who they let in and have zero tolerance for illegal aliens and no one bats an eye. But when America rightfully deports illegals for being ILLEGAL, there's huge backlash. Oh, sorry. Let's just open our borders to everyone. Oh, the Chinese want to take over? Sure! Everyone is welcome. Why have a military? It's wrong to enforce people. They have a right to do whatever they want because this is AMERICA the land of the FREE. It's not about fucking color its about them being fucking illegal. They always find a way to make it about racism. Always. Find any way to villainize people who don't think exactly like them. I'm now a racist bigot because I support ICE and the deportation of illegal immigrants. 
          
          Insane how common fucking sense gets you canceled and doxxed.