Glitchtraps_kid

Every time I see people who I used to be friends with, I damn well know that if I would’ve stayed, they would never be as happy as they are now.

I'm just counting the days until my last comes. I think I've reached the peak of being exhausted of this life 

If I would die right now, I sure as hell know that my parents would never forgive themselves on what their last words were to me.

Worst feeling to ever exist is when you have exciting news or are just bored, that you have no one to call or text.
          You're just alone, sitting in a room, realizing that there is no one there. Realizing that you aren't someone's favorite, that you aren't someone's go-to when something bad happens. It hurts. It fucking hurts and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of always being replaced. I'm sick of not being important to anyone. I'm sick of always being left out.
          Sick of being the last one to know something. I'm sick of only being called when someone needs something from me. I'm sick of being used. I'm sick of people who tell me that they care for me but literally can't text me or call me.
          I'm sick of being alone. I can go on and on. But what's the point? Nothing will change. I want it to end. For good.

I have officially reached a point where I can't go inactive on my friends and family without them spam calling me 5 minutes after I haven't answered them, to make sure I'm still alive

Something bad happened yesterday. My parents found something out. Something I did to... shorten my life. Because they know now how I think and in what mental state I am. They didn't get angry. They pretended like it never happened. But the moment my father Confronted me, was the moment I last smiled. Today I was in so much pain, I couldn't walk. I feel like shit. And the worst thing is, my parents try to make me laugh but I can't. As if I forgot how to laugh or smile in that moment. 

How can one song, one song. How can it make me doubt my life? The song was about how life passes faster than you think. And I only realize it now. A couple years ago I thought it would take forever for me to finish school  and tomorrow I'll be 16 and in a couple months I graduate. A couple years ago I only knew my longest friend 3 years, tomorrow it'll be 10. I swear February was yesterday and tomorrow is my birthday already. So much has happened in a blink of an eye, and I'm honest, I'm scared.

How come parents can spot fake friends a mile away but can't see that their child needs professional help?

I really can't post this on YouTube... so everyone who follows me there and is waiting for a video, I'm sorry but I can't. I physically and mentally can't bring myself to do anything right now. School started and I'm already sick of it. I literally just got in bed and started crying and I can't stop. I cant shake the feeling off that something bad is going to happen and I'm scared because I don't know what to do. 
          Please give me time and understand why I can't post right now.
          
          Thank you
          Glitch

TW: Su1(1d€
          
          How come... I came clean to my mother, about how I felt, how I didn't want to live anymore, HOW I TRIED TO TAKE MY LIFE, because she and my father pushed me to tell them what's wrong with me. And her only reaction was telling me that I'm a coward.
          A. Fucking. Coward
          
          I spilled my heart out to her. I told her how I had to find out on my own that something was wrong with me. And she just said she was the same. 
          
          She really said that it would've been a sin and I would've ended up in hell. That I would be a coward for giving up. That I would be selfish and egotistical. Did she ever think about *what* caused this? Why I'm feeling this way? 
          
          What I find quite funny is that, back when I was 12, her brother even caught me trying to unalive myself when I was visiting him. He lived over 400 miles away. And even back then her reaction was only crying for a bit, scolding me, and punish me for 2 years. But did she try to help me recover? No. 
          
          The fact that I had to find out that something is wrong with me by myself at the age of 12 is sad. And what's more sad is that 4 years passed and I get this reaction. Her only advice was to listen to "meditation".
          Of course. A random fucking voice whose telling me that "I'm not alone" will prevent me from feeling like I do. Mother of the century.
          And the best thing is, she thinks I'm ok now. Only because I gave up on hoping that she realizes that I need help.