this message may be offensive
Vent below (sensitive topics like: depression and anxiety)
I have no fucking clue what to do rn...I’m,tbh,probably not gonna continue,like,any of the books I have now. My fandom oneshot book is officially over and I do not know what to do with my Charlie Oneshot book. Reason why is because I’m in a very bad mental state rn. I’m working SO HARD on my crippling anxiety and I just wanna show how bad this fucking shit is (And I’m not saying that I have it the worst,there’s people out there with MUCH worse problems then me). I get scared-REAL sweaty fear-if one person just says my god damn name. I get scared if I just simply walk down the stairs. I get scared if someone talks to me (that is not family). I get scared if a new/unknown person simply adds my book to their reading list,like wtf! I can’t control it and I’m just scared that I’ll never get over this. All I wanna do for the rest of my life is be in my house, stay with my family and draw. I am not going to a therapist as I’m to scared to ask,even if I 100% need to. I’m fully aware that I should go to someone for help and that this is not ok to just leave. But its hard not to as this has haunted my life for months. I’m often very open with this type of shit online, but not in real life. And if your wondering,no,I’m not suicidal I’m just not in a good state of mind rn. One of the things that have happen under the year is that I’ve went from depressed to not and then depressed again. I got crippling and social anxiety because of a lot of dumb shit,like trauma and “normal” fears. I’m not “quitting” Wattpad but I will probably not continue any of my books,has my mind is just playing with me at this point...