rat

Ah shit man there's a girl at theater who I think it's lowkey into me. And I don't think I'm into her since I still am not over Raspberry. I gave her a bracelet today and oh dear idk what to do 

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO BE THIS HOT UGH HOW COULD YOU STILL MAKE MY HEART BEAT THIS QUICKLY MY FEELINGS FEEL STRONGER THAN EVER UGH ITS NOT FAIR STOP BEING THE HANDSOMEST THING IVE EVER SEEN FUCKKKKKKKKK 

Trans rights 

Okay after a long conversation with another friend I am feeling better. I feel more justified in being upset, and I feel at peace with things and ready to forgive and accept my other friend back into my life whenever he is ready, because I would hate for things to end like they did last time. 
          Thanks to everyone who's been supporting me for the past couple weeks, it means the world <333 
          Things will be better 

And there it goes again. I've ruined it all over again. I can't believe it.

I just feel so goddamn angry. I know it's unfair and that it's irrational but I am so upset with my friends. One of them I trusted completely to be able to confide in, and now it feels like he just handed me off instead of just saying it was getting too much or anything else. So great. I've got a therapist now, but everyone is going to walk on eggshells around me, my dad is losing important sleep halfway around the world, my mom is stressed as fuck, my two best friends gave my problems away and don't seem to care what happens after, but I have a therapist now. I hope they're fucking happy. That my friend whom I told everything in confidence went and told our other friend INSTEAD OF JUST COMING AND TALKING TO ME AND ASKING WHY I COULDNT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT, and they singled me out as the fucking third wheel again and made a decision that apparently was best for my well being. Okay. So what if it's beneficial. It's fucking unfair, and maybe he should have brought up the separate secret therapy he told me about BEFORE he forced me to have to say these things before I was ready. He knew I wasn't planning on hurting/killing myself. Things were getting so much better between us and I was feeling fucking better on Saturday. And he roped our other friend into it, someone I wouldn't want to tell these things. Sure, it's for the better. But it STILL fucking hurt. And guess what, we're back to square one, they're going to avoid me and complain that I'm getting all negative again, but I've got a therapist now. I've lost my fucking trust in my BEST. FUCKING. FRIEND. And I feel like I can't ever talk to him again. Im lonelier than I've felt in a long long time, banned from things that make me happy and unable to go on antidepressants. But I've got a therapist now. I hope they're fucking happy. Im glad after everything he got this shit off his back. I hope hes fucking happy. Good riddance. 

But I'm a Cheerleader...!

I'm not sure how to feel right now.

Welp someone I talked to when I was feeling bad reported me to Safe 2 Tell. My mom came in and told me it's video games and eating unhealthy and having a dirty room. She said she'd get me a therapist if I only REEEALLY needed one and if she did it'd be some super religious (NOTHING AGAINST RELIGION, NOTHING AT ALL THAT IS JUST NOT WHAT I THINK WILL FIX ME) homophobic ass who I can't even talk honestly to. 
          I don't even know who it was so now I have to scared to talk to any of my friends or people I know. This is fucking great. (Said with HEAVY sarcasm) 

Teenfic has been around FOREVER. I'm glad we're finally doing something about it