I thought I could go thru with writing cause of the break up, but instead it left me bed rotting for the rest of the 2023 yr. I never thought I'd let a relationship ever get to me or worse, allow myself to actually fall in love with someone for the first time. I got treated so badly and it was evident this individual was still in love with their old partner. I made myself believe he just needed time to realize I was good for him and that I could help heal him, but instead I was the one left broken and in need of my very own healing. I have always thought of myself as a high standard independent woman but was left in the end feeling like an unattractive, unwanted unlovable small girl with no type of standard or dignity left for I myself kept forgiving a verbal abusive cheater who kept running back to their 9x cheating ex. I know I'm not unattractive, but the feeling truly leaves you with this deep firm scar of belief that maybe that was one of the problems on why you just couldn't be loved in the very end. Because you know they can't ever blame it on lack of affection or love, for you were the one who gave it to him ever waking second.From every single love letter, playlist, poem, gift, facetime call, everything was with undying love and he absolutely knew it. May I never fall deaf to a mans manipulative words of "love" ever again, may I never be blinded and pierced by a false gaze of endearment. May I hear my own voice of reasoning and recognize who is truly up to standard for myself to love. From reading my own stories I do realize I am a hopeless romantic, but from my own words I also know that I am aware of what kind of love I want & what I deserve as a individual. May this experience of so called "love" & the many feelings its allow me to feel since the month of May allow me to encourage and better my writing and not lay a negative impact of destroying the love I have for writing about love itself, for I love my work & its progress.
May 2024 treat u n me right
