It's so weird, after two years of inactivity I'm finally checking this account again. I've had so much time to think, then again, I've always had the time to think.
I cannot stress this enough, how looking back at my old accounts makes me realize how much I've changed as a person. I used to be miserable, pessimistic and cynical and i'll admit, though I still share some of those traits I've realized over time that it was getting better. I found solstice in the people I found and cherished as friends and found family. I found things I liked, I met new people and even though quarantine was and still kinda is a nightmare, it's given me time to grow as a person.
I'm still a miserable little sh*t but not that much anymore and to that I have the people in my life to thank for that, for showing me that it was simply my paranoia speaking and I should've spoken to more people.
I'm glad I didn't go through with my plan on ending myself, after all if I did I wouldn't have ever met so many awesome people, seriously if I could find words that could convey how much I appreciate them, I would use it.
To those who are still stuck in a similar pit I was, keep going. Even if the world feels so bleak, lonely and absolutely trash, keep going. Because one day you'll be able to find people who can help you feel not alone, something that makes the world a little brighter.
Be like a flame, constantly dancing in the wind. Though life has no meaning, we should find one and seize it. Fight the breeze that threatens to put you out and one day you'll be a bonfire surrounded by those close to you. I can't relate to everyone who feels this way, after all our experiences and background differ but I mean it when I say to keep going since the only way to go at rock bottom is up.
Please take care of yourselves everyone, and if you've been having serious thoughts of self harm, please contact a professional about this.
