EmptyWithin

I lose everyone no matter how tight I hold on, when will I learn 

The sad thing is I could kill myself and no one would even notice

I just want to disappear
          
          I’m sorry 

I can’t even try to process our friendship without wanting to reach for a blade anymore. Whenever your name flashes through my mind my instinctive thought is to hurt myself, punish myself for letting things get this bad. 
          I loved you, more than anything. Yet you wanted to watch me burn. 

they say love never dies.. does that mean I love those who don’t even love me?.. when ex’s are there saying they hate me and want me gone, am I just an idiot for holding on? Trying to just care about them?
          
          or am I really just a manipulative piece of shit who needs to disappear? 
          
          I don’t even know anymore 

I just struggle at existing I guess