EmmaJD2801

First time posting, kinda nervous.

DennisRoyer

@EmmaJD2801 Welcome to Wattpad!
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pocket_crafts

Hi! How are you? How's writing these days?
          I noticed you voted for the latest chapter of LNDD, and I'm truly grateful for your support. At the same time, I don't know if it shows, but I believe this chapter feels raw. It doesn't have the usual quality I expect from my writing, and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe it's the dialogue or the pacing... Can I ask you to help me?

pocket_crafts

@EmmaJD2801 Writer block, everyone's problem TwT
            Thank you sooo much for your help! I didn't want to let down readers with the quality, but yeah, thanks for reassuring me about it. Your advice is very much appreciated. I'll make sure to do revisions according to your advice (especially the pacing and the repetitive structures), and I'll come back with an even stronger version ᕦ⁠(⁠ò⁠_⁠ó⁠ˇ⁠)⁠ᕤ 
            
            Good luck with writing, don't forget to have fun with it!
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EmmaJD2801

@pocket_crafts Hi, thanks for checking in! As for writing, I'm in a bit of a struggle to get my words out, but that's normal lol. :)) As for your latest chapter, honestly it's not bad. The emotional beats and quirkiness are there. The dialouges are fine.
            
            I think the pacing may be the issue. The first few introductions seem repetitive, describing essentially the same thoughts with different sentences. You have some beautiful descriptions here though, but I advise to edit them to be more concise. Another problem could be that this chapter opens without a hook. One writing strategy I love to employ is treating my chapter as a mini mystery, or doing some kinds of subverting expectation. An easy way to do it is detailing character's action before explaining it with their dialouge then emotions. For example, you can start the chapter with:
            
            "- I'm sorry.
            
            Dean jumped at the sudden confession. Debbie blurted it out without looking at him."
            
            But overall, I still enjoy reading it! I love their moment of vulnerability and then the usual fun actions at the end. You're a good writer truly! Don't be too harsh on yourself!
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