ᴅᴇᴏʙᴏɪᴢ ♪

Heya there, gorgeous creature!!! 
          
          I see... So you write FANFICTIONS, huh? :D
          
          We have a community which consists of friendly, humble, and lovable members. I'm visiting you today/tonight because my eyes notice your hard work as a beautiful writer! :)
          
          And I would like to take this as my opportunity to tell you that our community is publishing a Fanfic awards. I wish you would go to participate. As I said, FANFIC AWARDS. Means, we'll award your precious treasures!!! But first, awarding a story is not that easy. The hired judges will judge the book first before giving an award.
          
          Don't be shy to participate, ma'am/sir. heart Your comfort is always our first priority. If someone is againts your likings, the team will take an action as soon as possible.
          
          We hope you would go and try! Remember, we are promoting our book to you because every inches of your work, made us felt that you should try participating to make your writing journey even better!
          
          Here's the link, ma'am/sir:
          https://my.w.tt/uTyMxEHXzcb
          
          No pressure, hehe.

the last straw. 
          
          it was the first time in my sixteen years of living—almost seventeen now, that i feel like killing myself. 
          
          just seconds away. 
          
          i have never been suicidal. i’m not a big fan of self harming and has never done it in any shape or form but surprise surprise motherfūcker. the idea of ending the unbearable pain instantly was just scrumptious.
          
          i pictured how the blood would be flowing from my wrist and staining my already deep red prayer mat or how my prayer cloths would change colour. 
          
          the irony, the thought of suicide while i’m still in my prayer piece of clothing. the rush of adrenaline was as vivid as ever, and if it wasn’t because of the trembling mess i was, i wouldn’t have snap out of it.
          
          it pissed me off how easily i could just chuck a pair of scissors and slice my wrist or slit my throat. 
          
          but i would not give my dearest mother the victory she deems. 
          
          i am officially parentless now. absolutely will be going to hell for doing this to the both of them, but i simply can’t be their daughter anymore. 
          
          they’ve lost one long time ago. 
          
          and i don’t want to disappoint my Rabb. He won’t be pleased if i were to take my own life, upon a test He knows i’m going to survive. 
          
          He’s my everything, i love Him so much.
          
          Allah is the only reason that keeps me going.
          
          and He will always comes first.
          
          always and forever.

i'm trying so hard to be positive about 2021 since i will be taking the biggest exam in my country to discern my career in the future (kinda like what you guys call SAT)
          
          but at this point i'm convinced that i wil not be graduating high school :) chemistry—f u c k s—me up.

goodbye 2020, shall we never cross paths again ☆彡
          
          thus, i wish everyone a genuine joy ahead in 2021. i’ve grown really accustomed to frowns and displeasures etched in every faces i had seen (not that many since it’s quarantine season babe :|) 
          
          but regardless circumstances, i really wish for everyone’s happiness. i hope this eventful year thought us to be stronger and wiser, be it emotionally or physically. 
          
          have a good day/night everyone, may you and your loved ones are in a great condition. 
          
          stay safe <3

i hate my parents.
          
          don’t get it twisted—i do appreciate their existences in this world, healthy and alive besides me. and i am more than grateful for that.
          
          but i appreciate neither of my dad’s nor my mom’s way of parenting. i hate those manipulative antics they always pull just because i wasn’t on my best behaviour and i really hate how they always managed to put me in my place since they ought to know better than me. 
          
          the irony. of course they knew better about parenting, that’s why they get themselves a daughter like me. it’s always the kid’s fault when the parents failed to provide a decent household hence blaming them because they should be grateful instead. 
          
          hate is a strong word, so i don’t think i necessarily hate both of my parents. i am so grateful for them and for that, i love them.
          
          but i don’t owe them anything.

hello bb<3 im doing really well, but i just got home from the mall so im kinda tired haha. thank you for asking (⁎⁍̴̛ᴗ⁍̴̛⁎) . 
          
          how was your day?

i broke a plate,
          but i think my heart is broken too. 
          
          not at how my parents are way more concerned about the plate rather than me, their biological daughter.
          
          not at how my dad went “ that’s my favourite plate ”
          
          dad, i know i’m not your favourite daughter. but tone it down please, it’s getting too loud ಠ_ಠ
          
          i know that plate worth much more than i could ever be,
          but it still hurts. 

just finished the movie
          —five feet apart (2019) 
          
          and now i can’t stop crying . the movie truly warms my heart , until the very end . then the water dam broke and now im a sobbing mess . 
          
          remind me to stop watching sad movies . i love torturing my feelings :) 

i genuinely want to give everyone the biggest hug .
          
          the year 2020 has been taking a toll on mostly everyone , and im so proud of how far each of you has come .
          
          “ be so proud of yourselves for how you handled this year . i don’t know about you guys , but i fought so many silent battles within myself and im sure you guys do too . 
          
          i had to humble myself, wipe my own tears only to cry again , gave myself a little pat on the back to ensure myself that i got this . im sure you guys had to do the same . “
          
          i love every inch of you guys , every of you . i hope you guys can see how worthy you all are . 
          
          you are worth every little risk . 
          
          —lots of love ,
          @chippiemunkies★彡
          

awwww <3 no problem and yes yes we can be friends teeheee