You know that pain, it's so painful that you can't even express it with words, the realization that you could of prevented this if you just did one simple thing.
August 9 2020 is when my baby, my world, my precious Cat Victor died after a battle with something unknown.
Dying just out my window moments before I left my room to shower only to have my dad banging on the door telling me it's urgent and to get changed and fellow him.
My precious baby had left me.
I stood there in disbelief before I rushed to cradle my Victor. I coed "everythings gonna be ok. They can't hurt you anymore. I told you to top fighting baby why didn't you listen? My baby why? Why? " Rocking back and forth gently patting him
He was so close, so God damn close. I could of helped I could of done something, anything. His death no doubt painful and long.
And hours later the perfected mask I once had came once again, my demons crashing into me, the depression I thought I had gotten rid of came back and guilt rested heavily on my shoulders.
My sisters so silly as to think I'm ok only hours after the one being I continuously needed and leaned on, gone.
I just wanted to be alone, I didn't need hugs or affection, I needed my baby back.
It's the typical "oh he was just a cat you'll get over it" He's half the reason I'm still alive today if I was offered death I would take it in a heartbeat if my dad wasn't here. I'm not exaggerating. He means so much to me.
And now he's gone.
