Uncle Dad

But I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything 
- Charles Darwin 
Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice. 
- Bojack Horseman 
I'll beat thee, but I'd infect my hands. 
- Shakespeare 
Thou art as fat as butter. 
- Shakespeare 
Not single and unwilling to physically get out of bed and mingle, I present to you: myself. 18 whole years old and I look like a little boy. I swear I'm not actually pessimistic; my sense of humour is just warped. I don't know any real facts about myself, but the mushroom emoji resonates within my soul and I connect deeply with melted cheese.