Aries: the Man in the Chicken Costume

there have been very, very few times when I've been genuinely glad I wasn't born AMAB. In fact, the only time I can think of is when I was holding a tray of dough at crotch-level and walked right into a door.

crazy thing I've noticed about the past few years is I'm not as scared of people anymore. like, I'll leave my sketchbook in a room, and not panic as much when it's not where I thought I left it. I might leave my computer open for a minute or two while I turn on the printer, or run upstairs to get something, or go to the bathroom. I'm not so scared of people looking at my stuff. sure, my siblings are nosey, but they know not to do that(apparently they all don't want to cross me, which is kinda funny). And I'm not terrified that my parents might try to go though my stuff, because I haven't had a recent reason to believe they would. I just think it's neat, and also pretty nice.

I was thinking about a plot point for a story I have yet to write which boils down to an old friend rejecting someone after they find who they are and a life that makes them feel complete... and I realized I accidentally HEAVILY projected onto my stories again.
          
          this keeps happening XD

sister: "she was just making sure he wasn't... a horrible person."
          me: "what do you meanby that?"
          sister: "you know... a horrible person."
          me: "so, are we talking like a villain, psycopathic murdurer, or witchcraft?"
          sister: "like, someone who's into horrible things."
          me: "ok, so witchcraft?"
          sister: "no, like liberal or gay."
          me : ".......???????"
          
          
          someone get me out of here...

I got "sir"ed today ^^

so, it's kind of bizzare being asked the question "how would you dress knowing you are a beloved child of God?" because it's one of those questions where you know there's a "right" andswer("modestly" "with dignity" etc.), and it always annoys me to be asked questions where I feel I don't even have a choice in my answer. But after thinking about it for 2 seconds I realized my REAL answer: "without fear." 
          
          I don't dress very extra or interestingly(nothing that even falls under what some people would pearl-clutchingly deem "immodest"), because I'm always scared of what pther people will think. Because SOMEONE might think I'm weird. Even though I would never think that of someone else. I would see someone with a cool outfit and think "wow, that person has such a cool sense of fashion." So why can't I extend myself the same courtesy? Why is it that I deem myself "less worthy" of expressing myself?
          
          But in knowing that I'm beloved, and that God will never see me as "weird", or "attention-seeking", or any of those things I ASSUME people will think(even if I have no real proof), I know that I won't be loved any less for dressing in a way that I want to. If anything, I'll be more happy, and have an easier time loving myself. Very few people will truly care, and the ones who do are always stuck-up about those sort of things, and I'm not required to care about their distaste. They can deal with their own problems, I don't have to do it for them.
          
          Fear gets us nowhere. We sit in the same hole and dig it deeper and deeper, telling ourselves it's safer in there. But we can't grow. We can't experience life. "No amount of fear will keep you safe."
          
          1/2

it never occured to me before that the portal in the End(the one wih the egg on top) looks kind of like a fountain

I just realized today's the 3 year anniversary of 3rd Life. yayz!

*thinking about Zombie Fungus* " you know, depsite having 'zombie' in the title, it's not actually a zombie apocalypse AU."
          
          "yeah, if anything it's a disease AU. epidemic? it might count as a pandemic AU, idk."
          
          "wait... when did you come up with this story again?"
          
          "mid 2020.           why?"
          
          "bro."

contrary to all the signs(*cough* never updating) Zombie Fungus is still going and now has a new chapter! :D