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Guys I'm struggling.
Work has been a lot more busy for me this year so I haven't had near as much time to write as in years past, and on top of that I think I've written myself into a corner with Cowboys and Angels, and I'm also starting to worry that it's getting too long and boring, and that Jenny is starting to annoy you all.
I have seasonal depression, too. I'm on meds for it but they don't always fix the problem entirely and I'm going through a bout of that now that the weather is getting cooler and the days are getting shorter. I'm fucking homesick for Texas, my writing lately has been a bunch of soulless shit, and my pride in it is plummeting. I'm trying to keep up with weekly updates, but it's extremely hard when I'm starting to really hate the story and be extremely critical of the way I write.
The worst part is I don't have a damn clue how to fix it without taking another break from writing, which I don't want to do. I WANT to write, just not C&A at the moment. I want to write another short story or another chapter of Runaway Train. The issue then becomes, though, that my self esteem as a writer has taken a massive hit as well.
I started writing as early as the sixth grade. It was complete shit, but it was words on paper. I kept writing through high school, but instead of encouraging me, my ass of a mother decided to make sure I knew I was a horrible writer who would never be published. There was screaming and yelling and it was very traumatic for me. I've tried my hardest to improve as a writer since then, but it's hard. I still hear my mother's voice all the time when I get like this, yelling at me that I'm not that good a writer, and I never will be.
(More in comments below. I ran out of characters)
