✦✧ sᴀᴍᴀᴇʟ ✧★

||another rant because my mind feels like hell. sexual indication/warning.||
          
          
          
          it happened again.
          two nights in a row, these disgusting thoughts came back again.
          im growing tired of sexualizing myself to feel better. to feel like im actually somebody. 
          I hate the feeling of having to touch myself, but it brings sweet but disgusting relief.
          my entire body feels so heavy, like I can't put up with the weight any longer. 
          I hate being the way I am, with my twisted mind. 
          I want to rip my hair out each time i get these thoughts, indulging in them makes me feel gross. 
          it almost makes me want to cry. 
          
          —Samael

eating bagels for the second time this week because my autistic ass doesn't even eat breakfast often, so rarely eat anything at all
          
          im gonna put butter on it this time–
          I put cream cheese last time, but i wanna try it with butter
          
          
          –Samael

[rant–sexual warning?]
          
          
          
          
          I fucking hate these thoughts.
          it's unbearable and has been leaving me crying sometimes.
          I feel filthy and gross because of it. 
          everytime i try to ignore it, it only comes back worse than before. 
          I keep giving in because the urges just grow out of my control. 
          the amount of times I've scratched at my skin and bit myself to muffle any noises is more than i can count on my two hands–and I end up feeling disgusting in the aftermath. 
          im left crying in my bed sometimes because this “pleasure” feels so wrong.
          it makes me feel disgusting, not pleased or happy with myself.
          I feel like pulling out my hair each time it happens. 
          
          
          –Samael 

Thank you for following 
          
          Welcome to the Wolfpack <3

mother caused us to shut into a verbal shutdown. 
          
          we just wanted to have a fun day :(
          
          ・Bean・

well.. 
          
          
          happy birthday to me. 
          
          
          
          –Samael

mother is stressing us out so much. 
          it's too much.
          
          
          
          °Bean°

Hello,
          Sorry for distributing you 
          
          This is my first story on Wattpad 
          
          If it catches your interest then please give it a try ❤️❤️❤️❤️ 
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/393809658?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=story_info&wp_page=story_details_button&wp_uname=mrilina

going to the pool! 
          kind of anxious tho
          eek X(
          
          
          °Bean°

im so tired–
          literally woke up like an hour ago. 
          my therapist ain't gonna be happy to hear about my sleep schedule–oof
          
          anyways, today is the day where im going to my older brother's house! I haven't seen him since may (like actually hanging out with him) and I wouldn't count the 12th of June, as I only seen him for my graduation, lol
          
          me and him have a bit of a big age gap, he was born in 2004, and we don't have a lot of the same interest, but I'm still able to laugh and joke around with him :) 
          
          but anyways, hello everyone! hope you have a wonderful day, and I'll (maybe) be online later to start working on my new story :]
          
          
          °Bean°