JackOfAllTrades

@Agashiiee But I can also tell you didn't proofread, your story is to fast moving. When the characters talk, you can't tell what they're saying. All young writers go through this when they get started, so please don't get discouraged!

@Agashiiee I read the first part and its confusing. I can tell your going for somber and poetic but it's not really hitting that mark. I can tell your young from your writing style and it's a great start!

@Agashiiee Right off the bat from just your description, it's confusing and contradictory. The pronouns and timeline make no sense. You'll have to edit it the entire description if you want to grab people's attention and tell them what they're about to read. I'll give more feedback when I actually start to read it.

@ La--Dron7  nothing, and honestly don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter anymore and besides, who would want to follow someone who gets offended by a cinema sins joke.

@La--Dron7 What makes you think I can convince them?