just thought i’d say something, i’ve been thinking about this for a while now but i’ve decided i’m going to use he/him instead of he/they, i think i was using they because i was in slight denial?, a lot of people around me kept acting like it was a phase and i started believing them, but i’m realizing that just because their someone in my life that i know really well doesn’t mean i have to believe it when they say that, and that i shouldn’t listen to people saying it’s a phase, i’ve kind of been struggling with that lately and it’s really put me down, like i started thinking that maybe it’d be better if i went back to pushing away the fact that i’m trans and just act like a girl to make everyone happy, and it wasn’t healthy, i kept thinking to just grow my hair out so it was long, to wear skirts and dresses, i tried to force myself into being a girl, and then i just got so sick of it, sick of pretending, sick of being a girl, and i just really want it to be easier, i want to be able to just be me, a boy, not a girl, but sometimes it just really feels like i’m not even a person or my own person, like i’m just a problem, or like i belong to someone else, and it’s kind of hard to just accept myself when people around me don’t accept it or reassure me that i am who i want to be, that i don’t have to keep pretending to be a girl just to make them happy, that i can be a guy and they’ll still love me the same, but i’m really trying to just let go of other people’s opinions and thoughts, and i feel like maybe i’m doing ok, but i also feel sort of guilty?, like i have to be perfect and make everyone around me happy by doing what they want, it’s hard to think about what i want and what makes me happy when all i can think about is what other people want and what makes other people happy, and it’s like i know i have to take care of myself too but i just get so caught up in worrying about other people that i forget to take care of myself.
