Freeing Lilia

Cormac

Chapter 27: Cormac.

The night was still and the sky was dark.

Only a sliver of moonlight cut in through the window, illuminating the wooden floors and the puddle of discarded clothes. The bed seemed so small with the Lycan laying in it, and the room smelled only of the wildness of his nature. The earth, the air – it seemed so ingrained in his skin that he brought it with him wherever he went.

We faced each other. My legs were curled up and in, tucked under the blankets as the coldness of night permeated the room. Still, the heat from his body was near stifling.

I had stopped crying a while ago, but it felt like my cheeks were hard with dried tears and a headache pounded inside my skull. The Lycan said little, but his gaze was heavy as it rested on me. It felt strange to have him here, in the only bedroom I truly called my own. He was too broad, too wild for this little room but I found that I didn't mind.

A finger trailed over my exposed shoulder. My dressing gown had slipped when I moved but it was knotted tight. I watched his face as he trailed the line of a silvered scar and as a knot formed between his brow. Those cyan eyes darkened and he worked his jaw, a low snarl trembling through him.

"Why did they do this to you?"

"Surely Luca told you?" I whispered. "You've seen some of these before."

His eyes flickered back to mine. "No. I've heard bits and pieces...but I didn't want to...I – I was making such a mess of everything and I didn't know what to do."

A ghost of a smile rose on my face as the Lycan's cheeks darkened. "Are you shy?"

"No!" He denied it too quickly. "I- I just never had the desire to pursue a woman before. I am rusty."

"Rusty," I mused. "I never would have guessed. I just thought it was natural for a Lycan to tear open the throat of the one they say they're bound to when the woman is unwilling."

His cheeks darkened further and his shame was palpable. "I am sorry, Lilia."

I wanted to snap at him, to dig that barb in further but I felt a mirror of that shame inside of me. I had kept my survival from him for months and while I did it because I wanted to live with my brothers, I could only imagine what it must have been like for him. I had felt a smudge of that longing, but I was not the one with the beast's soul, nor the one who had already invested himself.

But wasn't I getting the brunt of that now? That raw, ragged grief that plagued and rotted the soul – so mind-consuming that I wanted to do everything to forget.

"I should apologise too," I stared at the cleft in his chin. "I let you grieve for my death and I never considered the consequences. Now...now, I feel that same pain."

"You don't need to apologise," He stared up at the ceiling, a hand resting on his stomach. So unprotected. There wasn't even a weapon in reach. I could twist now and have a hand on a blade before he could even flinch. "I took your choice away from you. I never let you decide. I thought of myself and only myself. It seems everything I do is always...wrong."

"True," I conceded. "You are skilled at choosing what not to do."

Dark eyes flickered towards me, a half smile rising. "I've been doing it my entire life. Making bad choices, hurting people. Getting out of the castle to hunt down the 'Dragon Rider' was a chance for me to clear my head and right some wrongs."

"You live in the castle?" I propped up on my elbow, staring down at him. My hair fell like a curtain, brushing the pillow and he raised a hand to skim his fingers along it.