Always: A Hunger Games Fanfiction

Chapter 98

Katniss

Annie leaves eventually, having to go back to Finn, in the room over. My mother takes an unwilling Peeta downstairs. I'm left alone in the room with Haymitch. "Katniss, what happened?" he asks. I don't answer. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll disappear back into that horrible terror-land. Haymitch sighs and says, "I understand why you can't talk to Peeta about this." I glance up from the mug of tea my mother brought me a few minutes ago.

"But you can talk to me. I've been through the war. I've killed people, just like you. We've both lived it. And I know nobody's had it worse than you, but I need to know what happened." I fix my eyes on the yellow-green liquid in my cup again. "Who else is there? Would you talk to Peeta? Your mother? Annie?" I really want to talk to Finnick, but I know that is and never will be possible.

Another name floats into my head, but I try to convince myself I never even thought about it. Before I can stop myself, though, I whisper, "Gale. . ." Haymitch raises his right eyebrow in question, but goes a long with it anyway.

"I'll see what I can do." He stands slowly and makes his way down the stairs. I don't want to think about what Peeta will say, or what he might do; what he has the capability of doing. I shudder at the thought and bring my knees up to my chest, setting my chin on top of them.

It doesn't take long before I hear the bedroom door open slowly. Gale stands before me, looking uncomfortable and confused. "Haymitch told me everything," he says. I nod, unsurely, while he pulls a chair out for himself. I gaze at the floor, and he does the same. I try to find the words, but I can't seem to pull them out of my mind. "You were thinking about the war, weren't you?" he says quietly. "Remembering."

"How did you-"

"Because it happens to me too. You never really forget the faces of the people that are killed. The ones who go into to battle with you, but you end up watching die." I nod sadly as he speaks. He finally understands what it was like for me after the Games. He understands the nightmares that I had; that I still have. "I think about Prim too. Her the most of all, actually." My vision grows blurry with tears at the mention of my dead sister.

"I could have stopped the bombs. I could have saved her," he says, putting his hand on his neck. Gale always used to do that when he was guilty for something.

"You didn't know they would be used on children, Gale."

"But I meant for them to kill people. I wanted to use them on innocent men, women, and children. I created the bomb that killed your sister," A tear falls from Gale's eye, and I know he still feels like it's all his fault. I know because he never cries. "I'm sorry."

I hadn't noticed the tears running down my own cheeks until now. "Gale, I don't blame you. It isn't your fault," I mumble so quietly, it's hard to believe that he heard me. Apparently he does because he glanced up to meet my eyes. I can see now that he's aged a good amount. There are small wrinkles around his eyes when he moves his mouth and his eyes don't sparkle like they used to.

I hesitate before I do it, but I wrap my arms around him and he does the same, after pulling back in shock for a second. I know this hug, right now, is simply a sign of friendship. It means nothing more, but nothing less. And even though he doesn't say it, Gale knows it too. "Are you okay?" he asks quietly. No, I'm not okay. I will never be okay, but I nod anyway.

"I think I'll just talk to Haymitch," I say. "You should get back to your family."

He nods and smiled weakly. "And you should get back to yours." My eyes fixate on the floor again at the mention of my family. I can't imagine what Peeta is thinking right now. I'm sure he feels unwanted, or rejected.

Gale and I exit the room together. I almost feel like I did when I was seventeen, and Gale was constantly by my side. A sentence bounces into my mind. You only kiss me when I'm in pain. I didn't quite understand it until now. I don't think I'd ever try to hug Gale if he weren't crying just a few moments ago.

Peeta stands from a chair in the living room when we get to the bottom of the stairs. I can hear my mother in the kitchen and Haymitch is on the couch. Gale nods politely and leaves with a hushed goodbye.

Haymitch mumbles an excuse of needing something to drink and stumbles into the kitchen. I push my hair behind my ear, dreading the moment when I have to make eye contact with Peeta. "I'm not mad in case, you're wondering, Katniss."

"You have no reason to be," I say bitterly, regretting it right away.

"I know why you'd rather talk to him then me. I get it," he says. I set my hand on the back of the couch, to steady myself. I'm still shaky from my meltdown earlier. "It's similar to when I got back from the Capitol, when I could only speak to Delly."

"Yes, I was annoyed when Haymitch went to get Gale. I felt like you didn't need me. But that's ridiculous. We protect each other."

I finally look him in the eyes. "You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real?" I whisper, repeating the words he asked me a few years ago.

"Real. Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what to feel, either. But Peeta knows. He takes a few steps towards me and pulls me into his warm arms, that no longer flinch at my touch.