From having a brother that barley gives a fuck about you. To mama loving dope more then she loves her kids. A daddy that wish we ain't have the same blood running through our veins. I did what I know best and that's run and never looked back .
Who would think I be in this hospital having my child two months early my heart is heavy waking up this morning with sharp pains shooting all through my body I knew something wasn't right was it because Tj didn't come home last night I've been calling his phone then it turned to just his voicemail where is my man why am I in so much pain getting out of bed was much trouble screaming in so much pain " ARRHHHHH MY GOD!!!" clutching my stomach grasping for air why am I going through this alone I need Tj here with me crawling my way to the bathroom sitting on the floor panicking all of a sudden ( BOP!!! ) felling a pop inside my stomach what's going on rubbing my stomach in fear not knowing what's happening to me looking down at my night pants and seeing so much blood on the floor just pouring out of me
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Making my way to my phone on the nightstand next to the bed my breathing is all over the place breathe Nani breathe feeling pain throughout my uterus and across my lower back panic kicks in laying across my floor by now my body is in complete shock exhausted, disoriented, how can this much blood pour out of me? Gaining the strength to dial the first contact that popped up which that was my brother Nick Dialing Nick RINGING.. RINGING... RINGING.... RINGING....RI.. NICK: wassup big head ass girl Me: help me All I could get out before I passed out waking up In the ambulance “Do you have any pain anywhere?” the guy said to me hooking me up to all these machines all I could get out" my baby my baby" tears streaming down my face because I feel like my child is dying inside of me and there's nothing I can do "Her vitals were acceptable put a step on it if we're going to save this woman she's bleeding out " he says checking the monitors getting out the ambulance strapped down to a stretcher with a wet feeling between my legs I didn't even notice Nick on the side of me The whole time with tears in his eyes stroking my hair to calm me but me and him both no I'm loosing my child there's no soothing me at this moment in time rushing inside the hospital seeing nurse's and doctor's standing at the automatic doors waiting for me getting to the back The doctors and nurses reviewed my charts and agreed that the baby needed to come out No time to give me choices I was rushed to the operating room for an emergency C-section By the time I was in the operating room my baby's heart rate was back up When my doctor pulled my daughter out and cut the umbilical cord she was not breathing a group of doctors started working on my baby girl They administered CPR to try to get a heartbeat out of her Once they got a heartbeat from consistent chest compressions she had gone fifteen minutes without oxygen I don't know what I'll do if I loose this little girl I never loved someone as much as I loved her I don't want our first meeting to be our last how would I go about life without her? They rushed her to the NICU to try and determine what was wrong with my angel laying here in recovery I couldn't stop the tear's seeing my brother and bestfriend walk in here I couldn't do anything but break down every emotion inside of me I was truly broken the doctors determined that my baby lungs and my body went in to shock really early putting strain on my child One of her lungs was inflating three quarters of the way and the other was only inflating a little bit they told me her heart probably would not make it through the day and that they could make her comfortable I only had three and a half precious hours with my beautiful baby Serenity My' angel Jones I will always love you Momma's number one girl crying and getting my last kisses from her with a breath in her body then that smile came across her face before she became an angel in my arms " fly high baby you got your wings" I say as tears fell while I kissed the top of her head seeing CeCe run out my room hurt me to the core and noticed Nick at a stand still looking at the wall as Serenity laid in my arms a doctor walks in " are you the girlfriend of Thomas Jones?" She says looking down at paperwork " he's been shot and we just found him in his car we're taking him back for emergency surgery now" she says walking out why is my life turning upside down.
