My senpai

A/N

Hey guys. It's Raven-Chan. Sorry for not many updates, a lot had been happening recently.

The chapter I made for the art made for Koumi-Senpai is still up, so don't worry. However, the reason I'm upset is mostly because what happen this week end. 

I was on Devenart and was enjoy Koumi-Senpai's art work. I liked my senpai for a really long time now...So I told Koumi how I feel. He commented that he doesn't understand why people love garbage like him. That's when the chapter/art sending came up. And I commented back to him. What I got next normal. And I didn't get anything back from him, until I got an art update from him. 

On the bottom of the art it said: "I'm not here to flirt. If you like my art, just watch."

I felt like that message was aimed right at me. 

Now, most of you might be wondering; "Raven. Why do you love Koumi-Senpai so much."

Well, I like senpai besides his amazing art. I felt like I'm connected to him somehow. Reading the comments when Koumi brings up how he hates himself, I understood that. 

I have suicidal thoughts...

When I draw I have a voice in my mind that says:

"You're never going to be a great artist. No one will like your art work, if they say they do, they're lying."

Or when I look in the mirror:

"You are so skinny and ugly. Your height is too short, no one will even notice you."

Or when someone calls me pretty:

"They are lying! You are a pathitic waist of space."

And when that comment came with Koumi-Senpai:

"He will never notice you. Once he sees that comment, he'll hate you. You'll scare him and he'll block you from his page. He'll never love you. No one will. You're so weak and disgusting."

And I...believe those voice every time. 

Now, before you start disliking Koumi-Senpai, I still want to give senpai a Christmas gifts. The art you all made him and sended it to me. I'm going to combine all the art and send it to his page. I still love him after all, and I want him happy.