the louvre [connor franta x matt bernstein]

f o u r

grey skies

I want to start this chapter by saying, I'm sorry. I'm not in the best mental state right now and I'm taking off my anger and sadness by writing this. I probably won't publish this chapter either. I have written 2 chapters that are not going to be published. He doesn't deserve that. Sounds so fucking stupid to say that he doesn't deserve it when he was the one that left me broken, isn't it?

I'm wide awake. The time reads 5am. My tears are blurring my vision. I'm staring at the hotels walls feeling doomed. The skies are a shade of grey again. It looks like it might rain. Why did you leave me? That's what I wonder all the damn time. Was I never good enough? I surely have some demons haunting me. Is that why you left? You left because you were too afraid? Do you even care? Do you even care that I was left broken and I haven't been repaired?

These questions haunt me every single day, Troye. But here's the thing, I know that you could careless about me. I know that you've moved on. No matter how many times I tell myself that deep down you care. That's a lie. I know that you don't care at all. You're happy. You could say that you're in love all over again. It hurts to know that you moved on so fast but you're happy. You look happier than when we were together.

My head is a fucking mess. These voices are mocking me. They are mocking me.

matt 🌹: it's too early
i know but i have nothing to do today. does the shoot sound good today?

Not today, Matt. My emotions just hit me all at once and I can't face you.

matt 🌹: are you awake?
you saw these messages

Shit. I forgot I had clicked on the message.

yeah
i'm awake

is everything okay?
it's 5am...
you should be sleeping

i could say the same to you, matt. why are you up so early?

i like to wake up at this hour
watch the sunrise while
drinking coffee! ready to tackle the day 💅🏻

there's no sunrise
the sky is gloomy

don't kill my vibe, con! its still refreshing to wake up at this time.
plan ahead my day and stuff

that sounds like such a matt thing to do. the photoshoot sounds good today

great! also is that a compliment or are you insulting me?

you decide

okay
wear something warm because it looks like its gonna rain

i will
thanks, matt

💛💛💛

"Hi" My eyes met the blue eyed boy as he waited outside for me.

"Hey" He replied back holding back a smile.

"How long have you been waiting here? It's too cold" I glanced at Matt. He was wearing a brown jacket.

"Just a few minutes. Just a warning that it might rain" Matt chuckled while he had his camera around his neck.

"The warning must be for you. You are going to get your camera soaked" Chuckling I glanced at Matt.