A Thin Line Between Love & Hate (Love Conquers All series) ORIGINAL VERSION

Chapter 21: "The Spirit Within" (Revised)

The two boys sat down on a large rock overlooking the water. Brandon listened as Josh explained about Grace; who she was, when her family had joined their group, and what was expected of him regarding her, the things she had said to him about gays, and Brandon specifically.

No wonder Josh had his periodic attacks of fear and panic concerning Brandon. It was a wonder he didn't have more.

"They're forcing you to be her boyfriend?"

Josh shrugged and looked at the ground. "Pretty much, yeah," he murmured. "I don't like her. She's not as rude as Patty, but..." he shrugged again. "I don't know. I just don't like her."

"You shouldn't have to date someone you don't like," Brandon said quietly, feeling the jealousy even though Josh openly admitted he didn't want to be her boyfriend. "I mean, why do you have to date at all? You're only fifteen or sixteen, right?"

"Fifteen."

"Yeah, exactly. Why do they care if you date or not?"

Josh looked at him, lips pressed tight. "I think it's because of Grace. She knows I'm not interested in her or even want her attention and approval like everyone else and I think she just wants to prove she can have me." He sighed and shrugged. "Or something. I don't know. But I think she's the one who's pushing it, and she always gets what she wants."

"That shouldn't include other people." Brandon shifted his stare to the water. "That isn't right, Josh. You're not just some possession to be had, or trophy to be won. You're a human being who should be allowed to choose for yourself who you want to...be with."

Josh shifted, nudging the ground with the toe of his shoe. "That'll never happen," he whispered so low that Brandon suspected he had inadvertently spoken a private thought aloud. But Brandon couldn't un-hear it.

"Maybe it will." Brandon cast quick glances at Josh's face. "God can make it happen."

Josh nodded but there didn't seem to be much conviction in him. Regardless what Brandon told him about God, it had to be extremely difficult for him to see God as this loving, compassionate "savior" who was sincerely and wholly on his side and cared about him. Brandon could only imagine the fear and even horror of honestly believing that God might literally hate him. Just thinking about it gave him cold shivers. How did people live with that spiritual despair every day of their lives? He gazed at Josh; he was so wonderful and sweet and kind. It tore at Brandon's heart that he had to suffer with this heinous lie when the boy craved the love and acceptance of his Lord...of anyone.

Brandon didn't want to make verbal assumptions about Josh's sexual preferences since Josh hadn't actually "come out" to him. He was positive that Josh knew of Brandon's awareness—just the hand-holding in the caves was enough to eradicate any doubts that might have been there. Not that Brandon had experienced any doubt concerning Josh. But the other boy was struggling and directly laying that label on him could cause more harm than good.

Picking up a rock, Brandon hurled it across the water. "Do you want to have dinner with us again?" He picked up another rock and held it as he looked at Josh. "My dad really liked you."

Josh's brow knit tight as his mind seemed to drift for a moment. He blinked and shook his head. "I can't," he mumbled.

"Oh." Brandon tossed the rock in the water with less momentum. "Why can't you?" He swallowed. "Because you don't want to, or...?" Brandon was convinced that wasn't it; Josh had seemed to have a great time during dinner the previous day.

"It isn't that," Josh whispered. "It's..." He faltered and went quiet.

"Your family?"

Josh nodded, eyes down. "Uriah...he said I couldn't..." he raised his eyes tentatively. "...go inside your house anymore."