Empty Hand Revolution

Stranded and Alone

The first day in the hospital had been broken up by tests and scans. After a night of fitful sleep on the hospital bed, Cosmo woke up stiffer than ever. He tried to call Pemi and Kachui half a dozen times. No one answered.

After two full days in the hospital without a visitor, Cosmo called Priya. Like an angel, she appeared in the doorway of his hospital room. The lights in the hallway created a halo effect around her wild, black hair. She brought him his books along with some smuggled curry. They conversed politely for an hour before she apologized and excused herself for class.

Cosmo thanked her for coming.

As the whir of medical machinery replaced her presence, Cosmo felt emptier than he had before her visit. He hadn’t been tempted to share his real feelings with her. While she was beautiful and kind, she was no kindred spirit. He had rescued her once, but she could not rescue him.

Over the next two days Cosmo attempted to pass the time by completing his exams. Without interruption from friend, family or doctor, the pain in his back served as his only distraction. One more week, if he could survive it, and he would cross the university finish line at the age of twenty-two. Even if he had to do so from a hospital bed—at the age of twenty-two.

He struggled to focus. He forced his mind to bungle through the process. The whole time, fear stalked him. Feelings of betrayal and abandonment filled the space that remained.

On his fourth night in the hospital, Cosmo lay awake in bed. He groaned and shifted in an effort to relieve the dull ache in his back. The medical staff had told him next to nothing about his condition. But he knew what was happening. His body was paying the price for a decade of arrogance and misdeeds.

A heart-monitoring device, connected to a patient sharing Cosmo’s room, droned in the background. The man hadn’t been conscious at any point during Cosmo’s stay. His vitals hadn’t changed at all. Cosmo shifted again. The bed next to him had been vacated the day before and remained empty. He was grateful for small mercies.

At 3:00am the hospital reached its lowest level of activity. Cosmo closed his eyes and tried to decipher each scattered sound. He bored of the game in minutes.

He tried to direct his anger at God, but couldn’t. It made no rational sense to be angry at God or anyone other than himself. Cosmo knew of his choices when he made them. His current condition was the result—simple cause and effect.

In fact, the longer he lay awake, the more he felt only God remained by his side. His friends had abandoned him. Perhaps he had not always been the most attentive friend in return, but he had always been faithful. Ironic. After all the times he had consciously withheld his loyalty while achieving loyalty from others, the practice had come around to kick him in the back, hard.

Just before slipping off to sleep, Cosmo’s thoughts landed at the base of his most primal fear. If his body was truly broken, what of him would remain?