*** BLOOD TW ***
---------
it used to come so easily to me,
like blood gushing out of me
i was bleeding out the secrets.
i was bleeding out all the bad, the baggage
that seemed to be killing my spirits.
but the bleeding has stopped.
there's no visible wounds, no sign of infection.
so am i healed? is All the Evil gone?
have i encountered an oasis
amongst the vast, desolate sand dunes?
is this satisfaction?
still, the oasis is out of reach
not a mirage, but not quite a reality
there are no visible wounds, but it is something
inside me.
nagging at me. eating me away.
stopping me from reaching the promised land.
the sickness won't leave me.
the blood won't leave me. it is harming me from within.
internal bleeding.
a silent killer if not caught in time.
but god help me, i cannot find the remedy.
who am i fooling? i haven't kept up with my family's
catholic faith.
god won't hear me. 'cos this loneliness,
this numb feeling has
poisoned me but somehow
i cannot force myself
to bleed as easily
i cannot rid myself of these monsters.
my dream, my soul as an artist
is rapidly leaving me
and i can't plead for it to stay,
"just give me time! please!
i can change! don't leave!
i will change!
you're all i have!"
but even my own dream has lost faith
in me.
all i ever spew are empty promises anyway
and everyone has caught up.
who can say my will to cleanse myself
will ever return?
i will eternally remain desperate for a dip
in the oasis.
