Saraphine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

April 1847

"Saraphine?"

Ellen's voice caused Saraphine's spine to stiffen. She had tried hard not to blame Ellen for the turn her life had taken—but sometimes it was easier to blame her than it was to blame herself.

Saraphine closed the door of the supply closet and turned to face Ellen. The last year and some odd months had aged the woman twenty. Ellen's every move was stiff from the nearly daily beatings. Her skin was dull and had lost its healthy youthful glow. The biggest change, however, had been in her eyes. They were empty and dead—just like the eyes Saraphine saw in the mirror each day.

"I was on my way to bed, Miss Ellen," Saraphine informed her curtly.

"Saraphine, please..."

"Please what?"

"What do you want me to do?" Ellen demanded, throwing her hands in the air. "I am sorry that I caused what happened to Daniel."

"His death," Saraphine hissed. "You caused his death." She wondered when the pain and anger would fade. When the sadness would lessen. She had subconsciously hoped that somehow Daniel had survived—that he would come back to her. But it had been over a year—Daniel wasn't coming. He'd been tossed into that swamp and made some gator fat and happy.

It seemed the only time Saraphine felt anything at all in the last year was when she thought of Daniel's death and those responsible.

Ellen's gaze dropped to the floor. "I'm sorry I married Samuel. I'm sorry I brought him into our lives. Don't you think I'm sorry? I am the one being beaten every day."

"Yes, and I am the one being raped," Saraphine snapped.

Ellen paled and winced as if Saraphine had physically struck her in the gut. Saraphine knew it wasn't news to Ellen. The woman had known about the regular rapes. Samuel had made no secret of his attacks and often bragged about them.

"How long will you hate me?" Ellen whispered. "You are all I have left... Everything else familiar or kind has been lost."

"Only three people have ever been truly kind to me in my life. I've lost my mother, Cecil and Daniel and your family is to blame for it al."

Saraphine was shocked by her own bitterness. She knew the hate would do nothing to help her situation. She had been clinging to it desperately because it was all that made her feel.

Ellen nodded and backed away. "Samuel won't be home until tomorrow. At least you'll have one more night of peace."

Saraphine watched the other woman walk away and felt guilt fall into her gut. Ellen was just as lost, just as alone and just as abused as she was. But the fact remained that Ellen was the cause of it all.

Saraphine was confused. If there was ever a time she needed her best friend, it was now. But life had taken him away from her.

Knowing her mind was far too jumbled to find sleep just now, Saraphine made her way to the kitchen and out the back door. She wondered, as she stood in the cool night air, how the slaves in the quarters were doing.

Her contact with any of them had been very limited. Samuel had forbidden her to speak with them and she was strictly prohibited from visiting the quarters. Saraphine knew it was simply another way for him to isolate, dominate and hurt her. And yet, she obeyed him because she did not wish to anger him. Samuel was always mean but he was especially vicious when in a temper.