to know what it's like to love somebody the way i love you, ..
✧₊ @occilamia┊͙ ❝[ ga eul, ever the fool, feels his stomach clench around nothing—- but it isn’t hunger that ails him. not the physical sort. not a need for food to keep him strong (WHICH HE ISN’T), or for nourishment to keep the tendons in his heart from snapping (WHICH MAY HAVE HAPPENED ALREADY). he wants to pry open his eyes, still glued shut by an unbroken seal, to know for /sure/ the sugary scent enveloping him is saccha’s & no one else’s. ] PROMISE? [ like a puppy, he leans into the touch more than once, rubbing his hair against the offered hand. he knows, as a distant reality, that he’ll have to wake up eventually. he’ll have to address his actions, dismiss them as foolishness after betrayal, move on because why risk losing the only person he has left? (..) the saja pretends he doesn’t know what digs an early grave, & that he has no clue why he’s hollowing the earth for one. neither lash line flutters open; staying just a while longer might heal the oozing wounds he cannot nurse alone. ] /mh./ s’not your job, [ he slurs, unable to catch up with his racing mind while his words travel at a snail’s pace. SACCHA IS STILL HERE. unafraid of his disarray—- or his sour exhales—- & too kind for any thanks he can give. ] gotta help you, too. MY BABY. [ sitting up would take energy he can’t summon, but surely he can lean on one arm. at least, that’s what ga eul assumes in his half-awake state. what he /doesn’t/ assume (or account for in the SLIGHTEST!!) is how little traction he has on the couch cushions.. or just how /close/ saccha’s lips are to his own. well. how close they /WERE./ measuring proximity when **his mouth is pressed to someone else’s** doesn’t do much except bring VERY WIDE & FINALLY OPEN eyes into the equation, watching his unsuspecting partner with surprise & fear, some traitorous part of him *begging/ that saccha won’t be the first to pull away. ]
[ THERE'S SILENCE, & SACCHARINE IS TEMPTED TO RECEDE. TO RECOIL, shrivel away in guilt & embarrassment at his own bittersweet proclamation permeating the vibrancy of this sunlit room, & staining it with its blackened ore. HE'S ASHAMED & ENVIOUS ALL AT ONCE. his yearning is a chip on his shoulder & a thorn piercing his side, bearing the same amount of remorse he'd given all the angels he felled centuries ago. he's not sure if his heart can handle it: breathing in the same oxygen as ga eul, inches away from having what he wants & yet millions of miles away from letting himself take it. (HE'S NOT MINE —— HE DOESN'T BELONG TO ANYONE, .. FLORIAN WOULD BE A FOOL TO THINK OTHERWISE.) HAS HE EVER BEEN THIS AFRAID? saccharine knows he hasn't, knows it's never been this hard to accept what fate threw his way. but now with these feelings settling in his stomach, (love, hate, anger, regret, worry, jealousy, envy, & this strange emotion tearing out the lining of my gut,) he's aware how difficult of a pill this will be to swallow. THAT HE WON'T BE ABLE TO FORCE IT DOWN WITHOUT CHOKING, & THAT EVEN IF HE DOESN'T, NOTHING WILL EVER ALLEVIATE THE AGONY HE'S IN. ] i'm sorry, darling, it's——it's nothing, you can go back to sleep, okay? [ and that when his hand runs through ga eul's hair, & when his eyes fixate on his lips, it'll take more than a horde of angelic beings to hold him back from saying what he's wanted to all this time. ] I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
✧₊ @occilamia┊͙ ❝ [ like a whisper (LIKE A GHOST), he wonders if he dreamed it, the softness caressing him with a touch reminiscent of a lemon branch. fragrant, fresh & balming—- but thorny, drawing blood as it drags along his arm. if he pricked his finger, could he become the star of a fairytale that earthly beings so adore? if he fell asleep, or awoke in his case, none of his dire fears would force themselves into reality. ] baby—- ? [ rising from the couch, face imprinted with the creases of his pillowcase, the tiny saja lifts his head to search for the origin of those words. if he’s dreaming, this must be a nightmare. what else would incite a confession of this height? why else would he be allowed to eavesdrop on the privacy of his best friend’s mind, if not to be disappointed by the final outcome? ] /saccha,/ [ he mumbles, throat raw & voice garbled with sleep. all while unaware that he’s so close they could kiss. his eyes have yet to open, too sticky with grit to bother. if he could see their proximity, would he move? or would he maintain the distance.. even lessen it, desperate for the contact, begging for a reason to be close again? ] wha’s wrong.. ?