piker100

It's time I spoke out on this. Lately, I have been confused about myself. I feel so happy one second and then it fades into me getting worried about the future. I feel like crying. I do not enjoy the little things. I have this thing wherein I start getting jealous of anybody and everybody better than me and it is of the unhealthy kind. I don't feel positive about myself and am unsure of what I'll end up into. I haven't had that spark to write chapters in my books. It feels stagnant. I don't know when this feeling would go away. I just want it to. Also, I don't feel confident about my body either. Earlier I used to brush it off. I don't find myself attractive. Often times when I sit down and don't do anything, my mind races into the fantasies of being a rich person and having interviews and talking with BTS and other big personalities and having fan meets, having my face on posters, billboards and magazines. I know it's a foolish thing to follow. Not to mention unhealthy as hell.
          	
          	This has not been during the past few months. It's been over a year about these things. I didn't speak it out with anyone. I don't know why I feel that this is a safe space considering that a lot of people won't even read this.
          	
          	I just wanted to say it all out. I don't feel any better even after speaking it all out. I hope I get better.
          	
          	Peace,
          	Vartika

piker100

@beautifulmessages @NuggetsAndSauce @WomanBehindWords @selmaselas I really appreciate it but I don't think that the problem is gonna heal. Just the time I was feeling dark, an actor of Bollywood committed suicide. Maybe it's because we never speak out. 
Reply

selmaselas

@piker100 don't worry. Everything will be fine 
Reply

WomanBehindWords

@piker100 take care, i am not really good with consolation but please do take care of your health :)
Reply

BTS_BANGTAN_TV

                  ♡〜٩(^▿^)۶〜♡
          ✧ \( °∀° )/ ✧               ♬\(・ิᵌ・ิ)/♪
          
          ♡*+:•*∴♡.•♬✧♡✧♡*+:•*∴♡.♬ 
          ʕ♥ᆺ♡ʔ   
                             I        
                              Love     ❤(〃◠ ◡ ◠〃)❤
          *٩ʕ*✪ω✪ʔ۶*
                                         U
                                          ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*༚・°✧
          
          ♡*+:•*∴♡.•♬✧♡✧♡*+:•*∴♡.♬ 
                 *๑♪˟•♬ฅ(≧ᴥ≦ ฅ )୨̀♬•˟♪๑*
          
                                         AND
          
          
          _▄▀▀▀▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▄
          █▒▒░░░░░░░░░▒▒█
          ─█░░█░░░░░█░░█
          ──█░░░▀█▀░░░█
          ──▀▄░░░░░░░▄▀
                          I purple you ❣
                  .˛˛.*.★* .* *
                              .˛* 
          Look in the mirror and tell me what you see,
          Is your smile weird, maybe it's the shape of your face, what about your teeth?
          Do some seem out of place?
          You're no different from me, I look in the mirror all the time,
          Even when I don't need to or when its not wort it.
          What do I see ? I see the same as you, all things that I deem to make me less than perfect.
          You see we're unhappy with ourselves,
          Things we've been taught can be fixed with a product on a shelf,
          Somewhere in an isle that feeds off our desire to look flawless.
          Yet all we do is buy more and learn to love ourselves less.
          What is self love ?
          Do you even know where to start?
          I don't but I believe that with all love it comes from the heart.
          You see we compliment people who talk theirselves down,
          But we can't compliment ourselves yet sometimes we give it all to erase a frown.
          We're not incapable of loving, you an me.
          We're just too blind to see, that we deserve our love too, to be as happy as can be.
          
          I am doing this
          .
          .
          
          Cause I love you ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

BTS_BANGTAN_TV

@piker100 if course it won't make you love yourself instantly (you just need to start accepting yourself but by bit ...it isn't that is for sure ...but you will get there and eventually) and you are welcome (no need to thank me )
Reply

piker100

@BTS_BANGTAN_TV that's a sweet gesture... I am touched although that isnt gonna make me love myself. I am working on it
Reply

beautifulmessages

Note to self. Your feelings are valid. You are allowed to enforce your boundaries. You do not need anyone else's approval. You are capable of amazing things. You are enough

piker100

@beautifulmessages it's the thing that I can't seem to understand. Maybe it's just me being teenager-y and facing the angst but it's so easy to say but so hard to implement
Reply

beautifulmessages

When it rains it pours but soon the sun shines again.Stay positive.
          Better Days are on their way.

beautifulmessages

@piker100 
            You shouldn't get bothered in anyway 
            You've got a beautiful mindset dear and I really admire that 
            I always try my best to look for the good in every situation that what's makes things beautiful to me.
            Maturity is accepting responsibility and letting go of certain things it's also finding strength to face things 
            Thinking too much does solve the problem it actually makes one sad and depressed,certain things cannot be changed one just needs to learn to manage them properly to have sound mental health 
Reply

piker100

@beautifulmessages I don't know whether I should get bothered that my mind isn't be as bright as yours. I don't know whether to be annoyed or be in awe of how beautiful you make things seem. I worry that thinking too much shall leave me in the dark but not thinking would make me immature. 
Reply

piker100

It's time I spoke out on this. Lately, I have been confused about myself. I feel so happy one second and then it fades into me getting worried about the future. I feel like crying. I do not enjoy the little things. I have this thing wherein I start getting jealous of anybody and everybody better than me and it is of the unhealthy kind. I don't feel positive about myself and am unsure of what I'll end up into. I haven't had that spark to write chapters in my books. It feels stagnant. I don't know when this feeling would go away. I just want it to. Also, I don't feel confident about my body either. Earlier I used to brush it off. I don't find myself attractive. Often times when I sit down and don't do anything, my mind races into the fantasies of being a rich person and having interviews and talking with BTS and other big personalities and having fan meets, having my face on posters, billboards and magazines. I know it's a foolish thing to follow. Not to mention unhealthy as hell.
          
          This has not been during the past few months. It's been over a year about these things. I didn't speak it out with anyone. I don't know why I feel that this is a safe space considering that a lot of people won't even read this.
          
          I just wanted to say it all out. I don't feel any better even after speaking it all out. I hope I get better.
          
          Peace,
          Vartika

piker100

@beautifulmessages @NuggetsAndSauce @WomanBehindWords @selmaselas I really appreciate it but I don't think that the problem is gonna heal. Just the time I was feeling dark, an actor of Bollywood committed suicide. Maybe it's because we never speak out. 
Reply

selmaselas

@piker100 don't worry. Everything will be fine 
Reply

WomanBehindWords

@piker100 take care, i am not really good with consolation but please do take care of your health :)
Reply

piker100

this message may be offensive
I hate myself. I hate everything that is around me. My parents are going to kill me soon if they don't stop all the shit that they keep doing. I am not a person who whines a lot and I do have a good approach towards life but sometimes its just enough. I can't do it anymore. Right now, my right ear is ringing and my right cheek is paining from the slap that I got awarded with for interfering. I can't go on like this. I just can't. 

NuggetsAndSauce

@piker100 you're amazing , just have to work on that 
Reply

piker100

@beautifulmessages @NuggetsAndSauce I honestly didn't think people would notice this. Thanks for caring guys... It may seem a small thing but trust me it isn't... Thanks
Reply

NuggetsAndSauce

@piker100 it's gonna be alright
Reply