@lifeismixedemotions
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
things can change drastically.
i can't believe i was at a dark
place mentally yesterday. ex-
hausted and sleep deprived
even, but i got to cheer up
and save some energy with
friends. im glad and anxious
that things change quick just
from one day.
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
all of them lost because of
how selfish and cruel i am.
i miss them so much :c i
miss the times where noth-
ing but our friendship matt-
ered. it's as of we're getting
closer to the end because
of me. because of my ego-
tistical behavior. the more
i try to see myself in a good
light, the more i dig a dee-
per hole for me to lay in
and hate myself pathetically.
i seek help in my words and
speak to them about it but
in my selfish need for them,
i forget they suffer along
with the words i use. i didn't
mean to but im the problem
here. i bring bad luck to wh-
oever i open up to, whoever
i have close to my heart.
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
i hate how weak minded i am
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
idk i feel so uncomfortable
trying to do my best in imp
roving under pressure but i
have to remove it somehow
because im slowly falling b
ehind in all that i do
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
i feel a thrill whenever i gamble
with my grades by having to do
certain tasks on the day of the
submission, getting to find a w
ay in the midst of a problem ca
n be fun, but can also cause an
xiety - which one will i choose?
BRO I THINK KAKEGURUI IS SL
OWLY INFLUENCING MY LIFE
AS WELL IDK or maybe it's the
reason i liked kakegurui in the fi
rst place...
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
i hate making decisions that
could potentially change the
projectory of my life or simp
ly waste my time
maybe im this 'weak' because i
grew up to fear having to make
'silly' decisions that wouldn't last
me a lifetime - i know it's for a
reason, but it's simply frustrating
yep, we're fucked. this is another one
of those bliss in the morning then str
ess later in the evening.
back with another life-is-making-me-
choose-once-more and this time, m
uch harder than i think it is (splits in
half) i just dont know how to make
a decision quick and actually foolp
roof for my future. im overwhelme
d sm.
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
am i allowed to want more?
and if so, what is the limit?
up to what point is too much?
this does feel like a cycle now
except it's with something else
this time. i hope it is subtlety.
i keep on feeling as if i don't
deserve one thing and then
feel so guilty of something
i wanted right after buying it.
it's such a vicious cycle that
only i can feel, and can control
but i don't know how to.
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
weird, but i think i've changed.
although im thinking it's due to
the fact that im in the spotlight
most of the time now? if that
makes sense. also, not to men
tion that im forgetting things
quicker than before and im su
ch a perfectionist which pres
sures me to act as my ideal se
lf at all times albeit my inability
to actually act upon it right.
self discovery is a long journey
in and out of itself from time
to time, im only moving one pl
ace to another as of now to find
the version of myself that suits
me most currently. — 에필로그
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
losing my sanity due to twiyor
fanfics, pls i ship them a lil
too hard for my own good i
swear
(｡-﹏- ) ✦ _ O:OBSCURITY!
i may need to back away from
social media right now bc my
behavior is undesirable accor
ding to my standards at the m
oment and why am i so obses
sed with wanting to please ev
eryone? i mean, this isn't even
a big deal but im making it a
big deal already - just makes
me seem like a softie which is
something i dont want to be s
seen as bc apparently, u won't
survive this cruel, having-to-cr
ush-everyone-in-my-way world
where u constantly have to su
cceed in order to just be respe
cted as an individual even wh
en it should be a given.
the paragraph below is related
to this one - i didn't know she
was pranking me when i wrote
the first paragraph. i sound
so dramatic ㅠㅠ
my friend's sort of on my nerv
es rn for pranking me and ik s
he doesn't mean harm, she's ju
st bored like me pls she tells me
how funny my reactions are wh
enever she pulls one of her pra
nks and i slap her most of the
time but i curse her out since
we aren't together f2f now. ho
wever, i do wonder where she
got the backstabbing punchli
ne from mmm im glad it was
just a prank and that it wasn't real,
i wouldn't want to lose my friend
of almost over 10 years for some
silly and small thing i did. anyhow,
thank u for reading this dramatic
turn of events for today's entry
lmfoaoao