Duane

Description :- Tall, dark, and ugly. Getting fat :0 Need a haircut and shave. Aborist (climb trees with a chainsaw). Just got married and have managed to cope being a new dad. Specialises in avoiding housework, losing wallets, keeping toilet lids up and driving like a granny in the city as I am a country bloke raised in the outback. Likes making screaming motorists scream even more by smiling and waving at them, beeping the car horn accidentally and then waving at random people, flushing the toilet as I pee and timing the moment my peeing ends and the flushing finishes with perfect precision, saying when asked to borrow 50 dollars "20 dollars? What do you want 10 bucks for?", and finding my wallet. Hates when my brother talks to me nonchalantly in a crowd saying "I just farted again and will pretend I am just talking to you about something random to make it look like it wasn't me." Objective :- 2000 characters on profil
Weirdest Short Story I Have Ever Read
A young girl grows up in an orphanage having never known her parents. She was born in 1945 in postwar Europe. Her life is really hard. At 16 she meets a boy, falls in love, and six months later is pregnant. The boy disappears and she is heartbroken. When she gives birth her daughter is taken away from her and disappears. Again she is heartbroken and in 1962 a druggie and severely depressed she strikes up a conversation with an old man bartending his little pub. 
Now the story gets weird. The old man says he is a time traveller and says I can make you a time traveller and go on great adventures. But you have to do this. Then the old man takes her into the 21st century to have a sex change, then they go back to 1961 and "he" impregnates herself after a six month romance and then goes nine months into the future, takes the baby and puts it in an orphage in post war Europe He then does many time travel adventures and retires an old man in a bar, 1962 Yes. He is his own father and mother