ℓєє

i haven't been up here in so long that i leave a lesbian-leaning bisexual girl and come back a toric agender

i'm a bad person,
          i'm terrible,
          spreading my poison into your veins.
          
          i'm the party-ruiner,
          the mood killer,
          like cyanide in your champagne.
          
          i'm so shitty,
          like a baby crying on the plane, annoying,
          always, always, always, always.
          
          i'm pulling the strings,
          but i am never in control,
          forever the same awful person.
          
          -just hate me, i'm sorry

"i feel we've lived many lives together,
          experienced many loves.
          
          as my hands reach for the statue's face,
          my brain is torn between many different memories.
          
          i, a nymph, sit on a rock beside the stream,
          giggling shyly at the mighty demigod before me.
          
          his dark locks and brown eyes with bit of amber,
          remind of zeus and hestia, he is truly touched my gods in heart and soul.
          
          in another life, i stand before him,
          holding a styrofoam cup of coffee, made black.
          
          he takes it graciously and lends a smile,
          "i'll see you tomorrow!" he promises.
          
          centuries before, i recall riding horses into the night,
          i, in a simple pink dress, and he, in glittering armor.
          
          we laugh loud enough to be heard over the horses' hooves,
          abandoning all rules of our society.
          
          
          i see us, two kids sitting alone,
          hiding from the horrors of war.
          
          while everyone has forgotten what they are fighting for,
          we fight for our lives.
          
          as the memories pass through my mind,
          i feel hands pull me back into reality.
          
          my vision clears and there he is, in front of me,
          "don't touch that, it's disrespectful," he says gently.
          
          "i'm sorry, i didn't know," i say and he looks at me curiously,
          as if he can read my thoughts.
          
          i did not know, but i was sure i knew him,
          and his knowing look made it clear he knew me too.
          
          are we destined to meet in every life?
          i don't complain, i've enjoyed his company for eons.
          
          -true time travel"

"you're so perfect,
          somehow surpassing my months of training:
          a single poem outdoing my dozen,
          somehow instead stepping over pennies for dollars.
          
          so much romance and love
          in just one poem,
          melting me in my entirety,
          an ice cube in your warm hands.
          
          your power is immeasurable;
          the anime protagonist to my villain,
          somehow overpowering me with gentle words,
          and yet i enjoy every second.
          
          i adore your endless strength,
          you're somehow so angelic and ethereal,
          glowing with simple power,
          i hope to forever find inspiration in you.
          
          -heroic muse"

"in the dead of night,
          when my mind begins to wander,
          all i can think of is you,
          sensual thoughts fill my mind.
          
          the way your hands trace me,
          finding themselves traveling down my body,
          gripping and caressing;
          always my favorite feeling.
          
          i am captivated by your grasp,
          it is so freeing;
          everytime i am held down,
          i am at the peak of liberation.
          
          our movements are sweet:
          the emotional equivalent of honey,
          slow and sweet,
          like molasses.
          
          -the night is dead, my mind is not"

"the allure of his soft lips,
          rosy and pink, so visually appealing;
          the plain of his cheeks and forehead open,
          a perfect place to lay my kisses.
          
          the opportunity that lies in the crook of his neck,
          it is infinite and free to me:
          a wonderful place to commit sins
          so good they're no longer taboo.
          
          the sweetness of his smile, the apples of his cheeks,
          the way he sometimes touches his neck;
          he is a creature of repetition,
          his mannerisms forever tucked into my mind.
          
          -goddamn is all i can verbally express"
          

"mutualism is quite an odd word:
          peculiar, strange even,
          but i feel it defines us in a way nothing else can.
          
          always two hands to hold my own,
          a lap to find myself sitting in,
          a chest to lay your head against.
          
          a pair of ears to hear the other's thoughts,
          lips to press against my own,
          two eyes to stare into mine.
          
          just enough leftover from my food to appease your hunger,
          just enough mystery to always keep me wondering,
          just enough sweetness to turn life into a candy, unwrapping itself slowly.
          
          mutualism:
          you are the last puzzle piece to my puzzle of life,
          the key to my lock.
          
          -our (symbiotic) relationship"

"something abt cherries is so pleasant:
          the pop as i dislodge the stem from its ruby flesh,
          the clink of the pit hitting the glass i'm spitting them into,
          the allure of a heart shape, romantic with all of its crimson beauty,
          or maybe just the sweet taste of the juice,
          perhaps it's the vision of a fresh baked cherry pie, aromatic and warm,
          or simply just the beauty of fruits at their ripest, full of youthful color.
          
          -the intoxication of red"

"they say five feet apart is a good love story,
          but i'd personally prefer us zero feet apart:
          sat in your lap, head on your shoulder,
          my arms around your body, fingers intertwined in your pretty hair.
          
          they say everything, everything is a good love story,
          and i adore everything, everything about you:
          perfect smile, eyes that stare adoringly at me,
          obsidian locks, soft lips, and so much more.
          
          i miss everything about you:
          warm and solid hugs,
          melodic, heavenly laugh,
          and comforting embrace.
          
          your sparkling, brown eyes burned into my mind,
          alongside your gentle hands,
          lovely scent,
          and inspiring sense of humor.
          
          there is nothing i adore more than you:
          you are my everything,
          my soulmate,
          my twin flame.
          
          -684 miles"

"the scent of lavender lingers like a ghost,
          as i sit in waiting for your message to explode my phone into a fit of vibrations beside me,
          eyes scanning words i don't really care about,
          the meaning much less important than what i wait for.
          
          the taste of milk tea sits in my throat,
          the texture of chewy boba left on my tongue,
          itching to share it with you sometime soon,
          a delicacy by all means in the southern united states.
          
          the vision of sunlight pouring in through the window,
          the curtains pulled away from the center,
          illuminating my room,
          the very way you illuminate my being.
          
          the notes of the lobby music plays like a background noise,
          occupying my many otherworldly thoughts,
          steering my attention down at my book,
          words scanned too many times to actually understand what they say.
          
          the grainy feeling of the pages in my hands,
          the coolness of the cup,
          the smoothness of my phone case,
          yearning for the firmness of your nicely calloused hands.
          
          -waiting for a text back"