I know I don't do this often, but here I am.
For those of you who are interested in FNaF - Don't deny it, I know at least one of you are - I found an Ao3 book(Series of four, currently just finished the first one).
It's called Springtrap - Redemption, by Noranum.
As a small summary - I've never been good at these - it's basically about how Springtrap/William tells about his life: how his childhood was, to 'his' murders, his death, and beyond that.
Some spoilers below, continue if you either don't mind, or won't read the story. There's also a bit of venting.
Also, do any of you get this feeling of... I guess it'd be called empathy? I had another word, but forgot it.
To explain, I feel like I suffered- No, experienced? The same as Spr- William, that's his name, so I should use it - I experienced the same as he did, even though I haven't, nowhere near what he did. I even have the same 'emotions' as was described that he had. Although, at times, it was just emptiness. Even the comments from the therapists did nothing to relieve the feeling.
To be honest, this 'feeling' kinda reminds me of a point about six to ten months ago. I hardly ever smiled - or frowned, was kinda just a blank face - and was reading simply for the false, nearly non-existent, hope that I could jostle some form of emotion, whether positive or negative - it didn't matter at that point.
I'm actually missing that point, and I don't know why. Maybe I felt like I was worth something back then? I was more innocent - not completely, I knew things I shouldn't have - so I guess that made me feel... I don't really know, valuable? Now, I know things, and I have a 'simpler' mindset, thinking that human life is just a process of growing up, working, sinning, and dying.
It's two in the morning, birds are tweeting outside my window, and I feel detached, like I'm a soul in someone else's body - living their life for them.
What is this feeling, and why won't it go away?