Amanda R

I am just me. It's hard to think about things to characterize myself in a way that seems real or has any depth. I am just me, stumbling my way through life trying to piece everything together. I am a 'multiple', as others have put it. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. As much as that seems to define me at times, it does not define me. It's just something about me that makes me different. Makes me unique. Something I have hid from for so long. Something I'm learning to own. Something I hate. Something I love. But really.. I am just me. I wont call myself a writer, but I write like I breathe. I would die without it. I love to write but it isn't always enjoyable, as a wise man once said to me, it's an affliction. I find more of myself in my writings than I do anywhere else. It's a way for me to communicate internally. It's a way to relieve the pressure. It's a way for me to find words to explain things to people who will never understand the depth of how I experience life. And It's a way to relate with the few friends I have made that know the experience all to well. It's just part of me. I live in 2 worlds, the inside and the outside. I function in ways most people don't understand. I fight battles everyday no one can see, most of which are from wars that no longer exist. My perception of reality changes often. I don't really know where I am or what I'm doing most of time and I have no idea who I am or where I came from. At times I seem to know myself well and at other times I have no idea who I am. This is me. So I am on a search to find and understand myself, all of myselves, whatever that may entail. 
So, I am just me. Stumbling my way through life trying to piece everything together.