deliberately giving up

this is gonna be a dead account. i'm so sorry and embarrassed... i am so so mortified and annoyed with myself. i just hate this account. not because of you guys; i love you all to pieces. i'm just so done with waking up to remembering how pathetic this account is, let alone how pathetic i am in general. i'm NOT leaving wattpad; i have a new account. (@comingunglued) and i love that one so much more. it's fresh, it feels right. i feel right about who i am for once; i made so many comments here on what i thought i was; a genderfluid lesbian. but turns out i'm bisexual and transgender! and i'm content with that! i get sensitive and dysphoria is a pain in the ass, but i'd rather have you guys know the real me instead of the comments i insisted i was last year. after we hit 2018, i felt different....about my body. about pronouns; it felt gross waking up in a girl's body; it felt uncomfortable. unbearable. gross. but i feel so much better and clean and honest. 

new account ↪ @comingunglued ↩!!! and uhh i can't write on my message board or reply to pms on it yet, i'm still figuring out how to verify a new email for it so,,,

IT WORKED!! so i'll be popping in and out of this account every once and awhile bc of my anxiety, but yeah!!!! fhdfufggh im scared and excited!!

Y'ALL I'M SCARED about this but i'm logging off of this account. i might be gone for a few weeks or so, but i feel very uncomfortable on this account. the account where i clearly state that i thought i was pan to a lesbian, genderfluid to agender, agender to nonbionary. i'm so confused. i want to experiment with labels and pronouns to find out what and who i am. but this account isn't the way to start. i am not going to restart it all, delete every comment stating the gender identity or sexuality i've committed to. sorry. i should be back in awhile. perhaps a month? two months? i'm sorry. i might not even last a week. i'm very inconsistent and weak; but if i'm "dead" here, that's why. if i make a new account, i'll be sure to let you guys know about it and what it is. so um....
          
          but this is risky. if i can't log back into this one, idk what i'm going to do.
          
          i'm writing down my emails and passwords now and screenshoting them so i don't completely fuck everything up...
          
          UHHH AND if i pm you on my new account, it's because i want to continue with our mutuality/friendship and/or i can't log back into this one. 
          
          and i love you all so much. like. i swear i wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you guys. and i appreciate every single one of you!!! again, i'll update you on my new account when i feel ready to. 
          
          but now. seriously. bye...<33

i need help with something.
          
          i want to make a new account or restart this one. but i'd have to delete so much and so many comments and just... 
          
          if i make a new one, would you guys be fine with it? 
          
          it would probably make me feel a lot better emotionally and mentally, seeing how i don't like my theme or account the way it is now. and i've made so many mistakes here. it's tiring to deal with. 
          
          but i've gained so much. support, validation, mutuals, friends, love. and i'm scared to lose it all. but i don't like this account. i want a fresh start.
          
          i don't know what to do. i could always log into this one again, but as said before, it no longer satisfies me. 
          
          but i don't know what to do.

what day is it again

anyways so um ignore my edgy shit

whuddup im sorry for not updating but im trying not to kill myself rn so like

UPDATE!!!
          
          THE VIDEO AND AUDIO I QUOTED FROM WAS RECORDED WITHOUT JEREMY'S KNOWING PERMISSION; WHICH IS ILLEGAL! JEREMY SHADA COULD GET FIRED IF THIS SHIT GOES VIRAL OR LAUREN FINDS OUT. OMYGOD

klance is almost canon!!
          
          JEREMY SHADA CONFIRMED THAT WE WILL GET MORE LGBTQIA CONTENT/REP. HE'S (ONE OF) THE ONLY GOOD, GENUINELY ACCEPTING ALLIES WE HAVE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE CAST/COMPANY.
          
          IN QUOTE. "yes.. just keep watching.... just keep- waiting." and less than ten seconds later, added. "something might happen between two characters."
          
          EVIDENTLY, HE ISN'T TALKING ABOUT SIDE-CHARACTERS. HE KNOWS ABOUT HOW TEASING AND HURTFUL IT IS TO JUST...ERASE US FROM THE STORY; HE'S A SMART MAN. BUT HE COULDN'T KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT! LAUREN WASN'T ABLE TO SHUT HIM UP!! HE'S SAVED SO MANY PEOPLE'S HOPES AND DREAMS BLINDLY AND I JUST
          
          THIS MAN DESERVES THE WORLD. 
          
          HE'S KEEPING US HOOKED AND HE SUPPORTS BISEXUAL LANCE. HE SUPPORTS GAY KEITH. HE SUPPORTS IT ALL. HE'S KEEPING ME GLUED TO THE SHOW; WITHOUT HIM, I WOULD'VE LEFT AT SEASON ONE. BUT HE'S KEPT US GOING AND WILL PROCEED TO PROVIDE HINTS/INFO BECAUSE HE KNOWS OUR PAIN AND AWARENESS.
          
          JEREMY IS A FUCKING HERO.