HOW TO WRITE A RESUME LIKE A BOSS

So you're ready to assume some responsibility and apply for your first job (or your fifth job or your fiftieth job) and you want some tips on writing a good resume, huh? Well, are you are in luck because 1) I've edited and proofed so many resumes I could probably write one for each of my friends without their input and 2) I've actually taken some classes on this shit. So, basing this primarily on comments I've made while correcting someone else's resume (and while looking at my own for reference), here are my tips on writing a resume.