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Everything you're about to read will spoil your mind from future events and sully your spirit. If you dare read this, first gather your spirits and brave the thirteen year old movie of the Baudelaire children. Then, if you are still mobile, sink your mind into the contemporary series, a word which here means, "a brand-new rendition which will most likely cause a controversy." Once you have finished those, return to this book and bear with my agony.