s a u d a d e

n o s t a l g i a . a constant longing for something or someone of the past.

It's funny how things suddenly happen.

I should have died that day and instead of comforting me, you told me how it's never going to work out, that you need time and space because you weren't okay and ignored me for months.

I slipped into a depression not long after and again you told me how you wished you never met me and ignored me for months again. It terrifies me how easily you can turn your emotions on and off. When you open your mouth, I never know if it's going to be another "I love you" or "It's over."

I went insane while trying to figure out my purpose and again I was told how moving on never truly works out.

I always hoped you'd be the one to save me. Even after it all, when you got injured and everyone told me, I contacted you instantly. I even planned to visit you, so you wouldn't be so sad. I told all my friends how wonderful you truly are.

But then it hit me one day, I talk about you like you put stars in the sky and you only care to talk to me when you're lonely. There will be a tiny part of me that brings him to mind when I hear our song or catch of whiff of his scent. I will still smile when I hear it, but I will leave it at that. I need to let go.

I don't think you will ever understand the depth and severity of the damage you have done.

disclaimer: currently rewriting so there are some changes.