Lemon

This is my first ever lemon so please tell me how I did. What do I need to work on? Were there any errors? Other than that enjoy and please don't get this deleted I have put every type of warning on this so If you don't like it don't read it. EDIT: SO THIS STORY HAS BEEN DELETED FROM DEVIANART ID APPRECIATE IT IF PEOPLE WHO DONT WANT TO READ IT JUST DONT READ IT INSTEAD OF REPORTING ME FOR SOMETHING THAT PLENTY OF OTHERS DO WITHOUT ISSUE. That being said please do leave comments or suggestions.