Self Entitlement is Next to Godlyness

Now before you plunge yourself balls deep into the best book you've read by a white dude since the bible, I'm going to give you a moment to ask yourself whether your certain this is how you'd like to spend your next couple of hours. (If it takes you longer than that to read a book, then you've obviously never read my book on how to pretend to read books.)

Well if your reading this next paragraph then you've obviously made a conscious decision to continue with what I've written with no regard for how much that makes my pants feel tighter, but don't let that influence your decision to keep reading. I just say things like that to make my readers feel uncomfortable. It doesn't have anything to do with sex, okay? Lets get something straight, I only keep my readers uneasy to make myself feel like I have the upper hand. Then, once I feel as though I have you where I want you I swoop in like a sexual predator. But not really, that's just the type of thing I'm trying to disprove.