I'm the one to blame

Sitting in the dark, alone, with the smell of cooked beef in the air. I sit here alone in the dark and think about everything that has gone bad in my life. I look at the good and bad things in each situation. But with every single thing I somehow find a way to blame myself. Its not my fault, I can't help it. Its just what I do. They say your past doesn't define who you are. But its hard to believe that when it has taken over your mind. I don't know who I am anymore. And maybe I never will. But for now I will keep playing memories in my mind and somehow find a way to blame myself.