I remember nine years ago, when I was a bright eyed 16 year old X-Factor hopeful... I'd try to picture what my life could look like if I ever made it big. I saw myself recording albums, selling out arenas, and working with some of the biggest artists in the world. And it's true... I did do those things... all of those things and more. I never imagined I'd be a 25 year old alcoholic with a different woman in my bed every night. I never thought I'd be someone so full of hate and anger that I could no longer find joy in anything besides meaningless sex, alcohol and drugs. I never knew I'd sink so low where I could be so cruel and disrespectful toward those who were only trying to help me. But then again, I also didn't think I'd be the last remaining member of One Direction either. People like to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..." Well... it never made me stronger at all.