Rock Bottom

My mind is my biggest enemy. Like a snake consuming a mouse. I am swallowed by my own thoughts. My head a battleground, where things take way too long to digest. Although ironically enough they never seem to stay down. I throw them up often, regurgitating the past dark places of where my broken dreams lie. That's the thing with depression, it never really goes away. Some medications dilute it, they water it down, but only for so long. Then it's back, knocking on the inside of your darkest doors, down the deepest hallways in your mind. Taunting you. You see, my depression dims the brightest lights on every ounce of happy I've got left. I've seen it put out the fire in me way too many times. But when is enough, really enough? When will happy, be a regular occurrence for me? A natural feeling, not one forced like the fake smile I wear in every family photo. I just don't know anymore.