in progress

i said I'd stop writing, but it brings me peace despite my thoughts, my urges and my nightmares. writing it all down just, helps lift the weight a little. it's hard and it hurts. i don't want to disappear and I don't want to give up, but i'm slipping so much into my depression I fear there is no way out, this will either be my recovery, or my end.. this is mainly for family to find once I'm gone, to hopefully give them some insight into why I was the way I was.