Ghosts

Being a ghost in a human world is hard. First you're taught to lie at a very young age, and then you have to deal with bullies at school and creepy men who try to follow you home. Not to mention that you have to worry about vampires! After all, not only are ghosts a vampire's favorite food, but they also want to kidnap and rape you! But you know what's even worse? As it turns out, I'm actually the reincarnation of the Nightmare! Damn it, I can't even fly, like a ghost should. And then I find out that I have crush on my greatest enemy, the Fang. And, wait, what? He's in love with me?! I must be losing my mind. Even the voice in my head is a crazy, masochistic bitch.
Yeah, because I'm you, dumbass.
Would you PLEASE just shut the hell up!