Alone in Soul

Once again, I am sitting on the sidewalk in front of our house with a half empty bottle of soju in my hand, grasping it tightly. I am afraid that if I let loose my grip, I feel you fading away. I take another sip. I hate the taste of alcohol. I look to my side and there I see you smiling at me with that dumb bright smile. I hate that smile so much; it still gives me butterflies. It's been over 10 years since we have been together 'I should have gotten used to it by now' I think to myself.