Prologue

I want to die. No, not that, I want to feel the sensation of death. I want to know what it's like for after death. I've always been intrigued by it ever since I was five. I watched a movie where a kid can see dead people and the person helping him is already gone.

Is that's what's it's like? Do you not know if you're dead or not?

My best friend Marnie committed suicide last week and today was her funeral. As I am sad, I'm also jealous. She knows what it's like to be dead, she can answer all of our questions, yet she can't because she is gone forever.

Does it hurt more after the death, or does the death hurt the most and it's all rainbows and butterflies after.

I'm not depressed, nor am I suicidal. I don't think I've ever been, I thought I was just thinking like everyone else does.

Marnie told me I go too deep, she said as deep as an ocean and I've tried to swim to the bottom.

I don't mean to be deep, I'm just curious.