Something to keep of me

I feared the ocean swallowing me whole before I could find what I was supposed to be looking for. What was I looking for? I couldn't tell you if I tried. Maybe it was a feeling. An emotion only I had access to. Something that I could cherish without worry. Maybe it was something else entirely. Something simple, like a shell or a fish.

Whatever it was, it was too deep below surface level for me to even attempt to catch, and hold on to it confidently. But it's not like I can do much confidently anyway.

(a suicide note)