Introduction

This is a true story about a victim and a perpetrator with a twist. I was the victim of a brutal and bloody assault but within 12 hours of calling 911 (emergency) and reporting that I was bleeding and had just been brutally victimized, I found myself being interrogated. How could I make sense of this? How could I respond to the police? Their fellow officers had just been out to my home and had taken witness statements and seen the brutality of my victimization. They had to call an ambulance with paramedics to try to stop the bleeding that had not stopped yet. This victimization that happened to me occurred on October 1, 2004.

This is a story about a predator/perpetrator named Ana Ensaf Amador-Riza who was treated like she was the victim. I was the victim of her brutal violence and I did no wrong. A perversion of justice occurred based only on the choice to believe the perpetrator.

I begin this book with my desperate attempt to end my life in December of 2019. I do this to ensure that no one tells me that what happened long ago should stay in the past and/or this story is about some fixation of mine upon a matter that happened years ago. My suicide attempt was not a cry for help nor was I making a statement, or pursuing some goal. I simply wanted to die and this story will tell you how I got there. It took years of hard work to overcome shyness so that I could be a mental health professional.

Worrying about being rejected was a preoccupation of mine. I spent years trying to overcome social phobias and shyness. I hadn't even considered a career as a psychotherapist because I was so shy. I overcame my social anxiety by telling myself that if I came out of my proverbial shell nothing bad was going to happen. I was wrong in that regard.