ONE: H O M E C O M I N G

(WARNING: VERY IMPORTANT. IF YOU HAVE ANY SORT OF TRIGGERS WITH GORE, SACRIFICIAL CULTS, MURDER, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, DON'T READ THIS. IN FACT, JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE, PERHAPS DON'T READ THIS AT ALL.)

(I warned you)

John "Jack" Trelawny is a Posh British Twat (PBT) who knows how to play the guitar

Percy McMahon is a Quiet Scouser (QS) who needs therapy badly and knows how to play bass

Grant Deacon is a Scottish Neo-Pagan (SNP) that would like to stop having to identify bodies (oh, he also knows how to play guitar)

William "Liam" Fìrinn is a Poor Young Cockney Boy (PYCB) who takes the brunt of every joke no matter what. He's a drummer, too.