Nowadays reflections

The world has always been a "free subscription version" to me, with 90% of the options, blocked to me, by "quantic space-time barriers", for instance. If I wanted to work as a child, and maybe I'm exaggerating, I'd go to this supermarket to ask for a helpers helper, work, and the supermarket would burn the day before. I mean impossible, and weird situations, that seem staged by a enormous multi dimensional time observers corporation, in order to suck the best of me, exempli gratia, youth, good stuff, instead of mental thoughts of obsessive perfection levels. Although not, seeing reality with clarity, because of inheriting privileges and levels, and never understood, where, nor how they came from. Right now, years, and years, later after being beaten by life, once and once again. I start to understand, I just may have hitted the lower limits in my entrance, and my last years. And the "steady sleepy years", I was just in the statistical mean. Now I understand that it's necessary to excel and be epic in something, and hopefully drag an enormous quantity of followers, in order to get stuff done. Issue that I was to asleep before to notice. Besides, there're too many variables hidden. It's like if it were my turn in life to be dull and and everybody else has joined to assure these negative conditions. I think my mind is still in pretty good shape, but there're so many life mysterys. And some people live there lives so weirdly, it looks like they're controlled by evil monster or robots, controlled by a drugged, drunk and dizzy child, that just talks jibberish, because he's trying to find out what's going out, in the meantime he tries to evaulate, society behavoiur, after he's crazy experiment declarations. Where's eveybody and what's going on? Am I alone in this, or is it just, that we're all opressed by a larger evil, which I can't see, but the rest can. Weird times, weird situations.-