TRIGGER WARNING & IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM AUTHOR

Do you like books about criminals that live in mountains? Or stories with exploding pancakes and serial killers who remove eyeballs from people's heads?

What about a wise-cracking contract killer with a topless mermaid lamp in his bedroom and way too many pop culture references?

If you answered, "Ughhh...what?" to any of these questions, then this is the book for you! A tale about a lonely woman named AJ who tries to find purpose in a life of crime after a bunch of dickwad mercenaries try to abduct her--and all because her father has stolen an unknown weapon from a dangerous underground organization called the Institute.

With the planet's darkest killers now hunting her off-the-grid papa, AJ turns to a quirky syndicate of vigilante criminals who use their illegal resources to spill the blood of truly evil people. With a cocaine-sniffing crime boss, a blunt hitman, a whimsical ex-mob doctor, a sarcastic hacker, an eccentric con artist, a mischievous weapons designer, a hopelessly romantic bare-knuckle brawler, and yours truly--the mermaid lamp guy--AJ has the most insanity-qualified crew to teach her how to navigate the sinister world of organized crime.

But her biggest aide is the beautiful and mysterious Eris, a contract killer hired to protect her---and a woman whose icy blue eyes make AJ's heart punch the back of her rib cage like any good love interest should.

As AJ learns from and grows closer to her new miscreant friends, she questions whether she is strong enough to find her father, survive his fearsome adversaries, and whether or not her new precarious lifestyle with murderers and thieves is exactly where she belongs.

This is a book for people who like jokes, action, blood, death, LGBT romance, ridiculous characters, new religions . . . Or who just really need something to read on the toilet.